When NOT To Play "Five Nights at Freddy's"

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

Ever since I started playing Five Nights at Freddy's, I wanted to be silly and have a list of times in one's life that you SHOULDN'T play the game. Besides being faint-at-heart, there are limits to gameplay when playing it in your life. What are they? Well, get ready to laugh as I bring you a list of when NOT to play Five Nights at Freddy's. 

(Disclaimer: The following list is meant to be for this blog's entertainment purposes. They should NOT be attempted. You will not like the end results.)

1. Playing in the dark.

If you're afraid of the dark, this game will not help any.

-I'll admit: I sometimes play this game in the dark, because it's more authentic. If you're not like me, just play it safe and have the light on.

Plus, you know how with every video game console has in their instruction booklets that you should play "in a well-lit room"? You'll have to take that into consideration.

2. While in a car.

If you're the driver, then playing the game is already out of the question. If you're the passenger, be aware that if you tend to scream at a jumpscare in the game, then you won't be doing your driver any favors, because that can be distracting for them.

3. While filing your taxes.

Jumpscares and numbers don't mix. So don't do it.

4. When in the library.

Jumpscares don't mix well with the quiet... unless this game doesn't scare you to when you scream at every jumpscare. Other than that, it's not recommended.

-Whatever happened to "using indoor voices"?

5. At the movies

Do you know those rules that people tend to neglect at the movies with the cell phones and talking during a movie? The same rules apply here: do not play this game during a movie. People will hate you for it.

6. At a hospital

It's bad enough that people in critical pain or people that suffered a heart attack/stroke are at the hospital. Don't give them an excuse to worsen their pain.

If you're not a patient, be aware that in the waiting room, you may be surrounded by other people. If you scream at a jumpscare, people will turn and look at you weird.

7. When cooking

This is an easy one to avoid doing. Just pick and choose: either play or cook. One of them can wait. Otherwise, you'll burn the house down. You'll probably fumble with the pots and pans. Worse case scenario: chopping food and... [fill in your end result here]. It's a no-brainer.

8. Falling asleep

If you're tired, then go to sleep. But force yourself to play the game when you're drowsy. Chances are, a demented animatronic fox will appear at you door in the game's setting and wake you back up immediately.

-Unfortunately for me, true story.

9. When on a date

Unless you and your partner agreed to play the game together (not coerced!), this game is a turn-off.

10. During class

Education is more important than video games. Plus, your teacher will be pissed if you play such a game in their presence... unless your teacher is too lenient to lay down the law. Either way, it won't do you any favors.

Did you enjoy this list? These are only 10 things that people shouldn't do when playing Five Nights at Freddy's. Again, this list was just for fun.

Whatsoever Critic
Source: Five Nights at Nights

Courtesy: Scott Cawthon/Desura

"TOO SMART FOR STRANGERS with Winnie the Pooh" Video Review

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

Since my review on the "Chip N' Dale Rescue Rangers Fire Safety" video, I was debating whether or not to review this video, in particular: Too Smart For Strangers with Winnie the Pooh.

Yep, it's another one of those educational videos that are so forgettable, and yet people who come across this video find many ways to poke fun at it.
-Believe me, people make fun of this video so much, that there are mash-up videos to make them more vulnerable to being the butt of jokes. And this info is coming from a young lady that spends so much time doing some digging on Youtube.
So, sit back and enjoy a review of yet another cheesy educational video! This is Too Smart For Strangers with Winnie the Pooh.

Opening Scene:
So after the title card, we see our main character Winnie the Pooh frolicking in the Hundred Acre Wood.

-Sure, he has his basic likeness, but... why live-action? Was it cheaper to shoot this special in live-action, instead of animated? I mean, the animated series has already proven to be a success throughout the years. So, why not take advantage of that? Because if this is live-action, then kids watching this are trusting their knowledge to a man in an animal costume.

After Opening Song:
So after the song, Pooh addresses the audience:
Pooh: "What is a stranger, you ask?"

-You get points for starting with a rhetorical questions. Good start.
Pooh then comes across his friend Piglet... who is also live-action, and is also a person in a animal costume.

-Seriously, this could've been better animated...
Pooh: "I was just trying to tell our friends at home what a stranger is."
However, the subject seems to scare Piglet.
-Okay, to be fair, this an educational video; and this video does point out good advice like:
Pooh: "...that's why it's important to be sissy-fish..."
-Uh... we all know that Pooh meant "suspicious." I can assure you that this video makes up for that.
Pooh: "Just because he's friendly, doesn't mean he's a friend."
-Good point.

Piglet: "...I'm too small to help myself, aren't I?"

Pooh: "No you're not!"

-Whoa! That was kinda harsh, man.

Pooh: "No matter who you are or how small you are, you can help yourself be safe."

-Are you serious? Let kids fend for themselves? It's bad enough we have that scene in Finding Nemo where Gill makes Nemo get out of a tube all by himself... on the day they first meet. (I mean, seriously! Do people say hello anymore?!) So, we don't need those kind of influences ever!

At Pooh's House:

So Pooh and Piglet head to the house, where they introduce us to the three steps on how to be "too smart for strangers":

Pooh:
1. "Say 'no' to strangers."
2. "Run away."
3. "Tell your parents or grown-up you trust."
-And telling by the atmosphere, I feel a song coming up...
Pooh and Piglet (singing): "Say no. Run away. Have a grown-up friend to tell..."
-Um... what do y'all mean by "grown-up friend," exactly? Do you mean a parent, a teacher, or a cop? That would need to be emphasized more. (I'm just saying.)

Tigger Scene:
After that song, we see Tigger...

Tigger: "I bounce-a-roo from place to place having all kinds of fun with all kinds of friends..."

-Well, nowadays, we call that social media. Just saying.

Next, we see Tigger meet up with Roo... who is stuck inside a red wagon for the remainder of this video...

-Yeah, don't expect to see Roo roam around like the other characters.
...as they discuss different scenarios on how to be "too smart for strangers."
In the first scenario, a group of kids are playing at the park, until one of them named Karen leaves for home.

However, Karen decides to take a shortcut down an alley.

-That's the most spacious alley I've ever seen.
As soon as Karen is stop by a strange guy (that randomly appeared out of nowhere), Tigger and Roo discusses what the girl should do.
Roo: "Well, I don't think Karen should've taken a shortcut all by herself..."
-Correct answer. However, it's also never a good idea to go down alleys, period... especially when you're in a group.
So they show the scene again, but only this time, Karen runs away from the stranger and makes it home.
-First of all, just listen to how the so-called stranger addresses Karen as soon as she comes face-to-face with him.
Stranger #1: "Hey kid. Come here."
-No kid at any age would want to do that.
After that scene, we cut back to Tigger and Roo, who then discuss about Karen's friends and basing another "what if."
Tigger: "I wonder what would happen if Kris and Kelly had met a stranger right in their own neighborhood. Let's find out."
(both Tigger and Roo dramatically turn directly towards the camera)
-Okay, guys. You're just talking to us about stranger-danger. So, leave the theatrics to... You know what? Forget it. Let's just go on to the next scenario.

Scenario #2:

(two girls walking down the sidewalk)
Stranger #2: "Well, well. Hey, little girls. What are your names?"
(girls look at each other as scene pauses)
-Why would you ask kids their names? (Well, to be fair, that's the point of this scenario.)
So the girls say no to the stranger and take off in the other direction. However, Roo is concerned about being polite.
Roo: "Wouldn't it great to say hello, and maybe shake hands?"
Tigger: "No! No! No-peru!"
-Whoa, Tigger! Take it easy! It was just a simple question! And a simple question deserves a simple answer.
So Tigger explains that kids shouldn't have to worry about being polite to a stranger, and that they should stay a distance from a stranger, in case the person's bad and wants to harm you.

-This advice is well-demonstrated. Just play tug-of-war with your kid to show how strangers can be bad.

Song #3:
So then, the characters sing another song about strangers.
Tigger (singing): "Tell someone that you trust. Tell someone you really must. Make them believe you. Keep telling them 'til they do."
-To be fair, this song really is catchy. I think kids would totally get the message this way.

Eeyore Scene:
As soon as Tigger drops off Roo at Kanga's house, he encounters Eeyore...

-...I hope there's only one person operating that Eeyore... but we'll never know.
Eeyore: "I hope I'm not interrupting something important."
-Uh, no. We're just hoping that only one person is operating your costume. We're trying to keep this educational video as G-rated as possible.
Then, as if on cue, Rabbit shows up and... (get a load of this) he shows up in a magician's hat and cape. This is apparently symbolic, because strangers tend to lure kids with tricks...

Rabbit: "Well, there are good tricks... good tricks are just for fun. But sometimes, bad strangers will play bad tricks on you."
-Yeah, Rabbit said it better than me.
So Rabbit shows Tigger and Eeyore some examples of "bad strangers playing bad tricks" on kids.

Scenario #3:

Guy with dog leash: "Hey, kid. Come here a second. I seem to have lost my dog around here, and I was wondering if you could help me try to find him."
-First, this man is a douche. Why? Because who tells a random kid: "Hey kid. Come here a second"?
-Second, why would someone ask a kid to help them "find their dog" when clearly that's what the freakin' pound is for? This guy is lazy as hell!
-Third, it's obvious that this scenario is a red-flag, which reinforces the ideas that "bad strangers play bad tricks" on kids.
Kid: "No. Sorry, I can't do that."
(Kid rides off on his bike)
-At least that kid had a getaway vehicle, or else this scenario would've turned for the worst.

Back to Rabbit:
Then Rabbit explains that kids should never take anything from a stranger. If they try to give you give you something...
Rabbit: "Say no!"
-Okay, am I really needed for this review, because this whole thing is self-explanatory.

Scenario: #4:

So the next example shows a guy pulling up next to two kids and wanting to give them money. But in order to make the transaction, the kids have to come over to the car and get the money.
Guy in the Car: "Oh, come on! I won't hurt ya!"
-Not falling for it.

The kids wisely say no, and they wisely go to a police officer to tell on the guy.
-That totally reminds me of the story that KidBehindACamera told on his vlog yesterday (Oct. 23, 2014) (Seriously, look it up.) See, Michael? This is why you shouldn't take money from strangers. They're creepy bastards that can't find anything to do with their money, so they just throw it to random kids. Humans are wasteful with money nowadays! (No offense, KidBehindACamera.)

Back to Rabbit:
(after a jumpy song)

Rabbit: "Uh oh!"
Eeyore: "What's the matter?"
Rabbit: "I thought of another kind of trick bad strangers sometimes try. Just watch Haley."

Scenario #5:

(a car stops in front of a girl)
Woman in Car: "Excuse me! I'm a friend of your mother's. She's sick and asked me to come pick you up."
-Hmm. This girl doesn't seem to know this woman, even though she seems nice...
Woman in Car: "Come on! Your parents are waiting!"
-Chuck it! She's a bitch. Dump her!
Girl: "I can't go with you. I have to call home first."
-Thank you.

-And by the way, we can see the boom mic.

Back to Pooh and Piglet:

So after Rabbit gets going, we cut back to Pooh going to a different subject: what kids should do when they're home alone. Then Pooh mentions that their friend Owl is smart in that field.
Pooh: "I bet he has some good ideas about how to stay safe when you're home alone."
-Okay. When do we meet him?

Owl's House:
(Owl is snoring away)

-Okay... I think we caught him at a bad time, so...
Owl: "Huh... what, eh... hoggy web..."
-Guys, I thought he said that this guy has some ideas. Apparently, he's still groggy from his sleep. So, let's give him some time to get adjusted to...
Owl: "Oh, whoa. Home alone. Uh, yes!"
-By the way, isn't it good to know that the Mr. Know-It-Owl series may have ripped this off in some ways?
1. the brainy owl character
2. the live-action scenarios
3. both this video and the Mr. Know-It-Owl series came out in the exact same time period (the 80s)
Unless Mr. Know-It-Owl ripped off this video, only for this video to rip off Mr. Know-It-Owl. Does that make any sense?
So Owl talks about strangers calling on the phone and what kids should do if they get that call and they're home alone.
Owl: "But I wonder how my friend Ryan would handle that same situation."
-Uh, scenario! Do your thing!

Scenario #6:

So the scenario starts with a kid answering the phone. The boy tells the stranger his name and says that his mom isn't there.
Owl: "What would you have done? Ryan made two mistakes, didn't he?"
-No shit, he made two mistakes! But, to be fair, this is for the kid audience to learn from those mistakes.
So Owl shows that the boy makes up for those mistakes by calling his neighbor to come look after him, because he was afraid that the stranger would come to his house.

Back to Owl:
Owl also explains that it's essential to have a list of phone numbers handy...

-... if only we can see that list on the screen... Then again, it's the 80s. There's no such thing as high-definition at the time.

Scenario #7:

We then cut to another scenario, where a girl is about to answer the door to her house. The only problem is, she's home alone.

Back to Owl:
Owl: "Would you open the door?"
-(pause) Would you?
-By the way, y'all didn't have to emphasize the fact that this is a Disney video by throwing in a Mickey Mouse toy in that girl's tea party.

We already have the Winnie the Pooh characters. That's enough to say: "Hey, look over here! Over here! We're Disney!"
So, going back to the scenario, the girl doesn't open the door, but tells the stranger that her mother is busy.

She then calls her aunt to come check on her.

Owl's Song:

-Great! Another song. Plus, this song is just Owl jumping around in his house, and singing about not letting strangers into your home and not telling them anything on the phone... I don't know; it's kinda like watching an Indian in full native costume... Never mind.
-You know what, Owl? Just go back to sleep.

Clearly, the jumping around makes you, uh... Never mind that too.
-You know, it's been a while. Let's see what Rabbit is up to...

Rabbit shows up:
Rabbit: "Don't forget about the tricks, Owl!"
-Yeah, you tell us about tricks, as I try to get that last song out of my head.

Rabbit: "I wanted to be sure we talked to the kids about tricks."
-Uh, you mean that... Trix are for kids? (laughing) You get it? No? Well, okay.

So Rabbit tests Owl about the bad tricks that strangers might try in order to get inside the house. Owl answers correctly to all of them.
Owl: "After all, my motto is: 'Never let a stranger in the house.'"

-Okay, but what if your relatives come over and see that sign on your wall? But hey! They'll know better, right?
-And plus, how many other conveniently-placed mottos do you think he has hanging on his wall?

Don't do drugs?

Stay in school?

Or keep calm and [fill in the blank here]?

Or maybe one of those creepy fish animatronics that you would get from stores like Sears and hang on your wall?
Rabbit: "... never open a door to a stranger."
Owl: "Right!"
As soon as Rabbit gets going again...
-I wonder what Rabbit does off-screen, while he "disappears"...

Scenario #8:

We then cut to another scenario where a girl is outside while her parents are away...
-And there's your problem. Why would you let your kid play outside when no one else is at home?!
Anyway, a guy comes up to her and asks to see her parents. The girl tells him that her mom is busy in the house. Then she goes back inside the house, locks the door, and calls her neighbor to check on her.

Back to Owl:

Just then, Owl gets a knock on his door.
Owl: "Do you remember what to do? That's right. First, ask who's there."
It turns out that Tigger is paying a visit to Owl.

Owl: "Tigger! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you here?"
-Yeah, and don't do anything childish.
Tigger: "I was just checking to make sure you keep the door locked when you're home alone. Good going, Owl!"

(Tigger pats Owl rather roughly on the back)
-Yeah, nothing says "Good job!" than rough-housing the elderly.

Back to Pooh and Piglet:

As soon as Tigger leaves Owl's house, we cut back to our main characters discussing a sensitive topic: molestation?
-Um... for the sake of keeping this review G-rated, I'm just gonna skip to the next song.
Pooh: (singing) "Say 'no!' 'Stop that!' 'It's not okay with me!'... My body is my very own. That's how it's got to be."

-Gosh! Even the song is a little questionable. But then again, it's all about saying "no."
Piglet: (singing) "...now I'm going right away to tell my mom and dad!"

Outside Pooh's House:

So the duo returns to the house, when... you guessed it! Rabbit stops by to tell them about tricks that bad strangers will use on kids.
-Again, I won't go into detail on this scene. It's kinda self-explanatory. And plus, it's too serious a topic. So, I'm gonna wrap this up.
Pooh: "My! Rabbit certainly does come and go, doesn't he?"
-About time someone in the video acknowledges that Rabbit comes and goes no matter what scene he's in!

Ending:

Pooh and Piglet review what kids should do when confronted by a stranger anywhere, anytime.

And then they meet up with the rest of their friends to sing the opening song.

-See? Roo is still in that wagon. It's like he lives in that wagon. The treehouse from earlier must be an alibi! (Kidding.)
And as the credits roll, we see Pooh and the gang leave in parade style.
Eeyore: "And thanks for noticing us!"
-Okay. That was totally random.
And then after the credits, we see a list of different organizations that helped bring this video to life.

-Yeah, good to know that some of these took time out of their busy schedule to bring us this mediocrisy.

And that's Too Smart for Strangers with Winnie the Pooh! Well, what can I say?
Well, to be fair, this video wasn't as bad as the "Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers Fire Safety" video. And plus, I'll give this video credit for trying to get their point across, despite being in risky territory. However, I felt that it would've should a better chance if it were animated, instead of live-action with actors in animal costumes. I mean, you're trying to promote safety for kids, not trying to make the message faulty with something as risky as... putting people in costumes and having them talk to kids about strangers. Wouldn't that be almost ironic?
But as is, it's mediocre but still has some value.

Whatsoever Critic
Source:
Too Smart for Strangers with Winnie the Pooh.
Nintendo 3DS

Courtesy: Disney/The Disney Channel; and Nintendo.