Today I'm going to review the children's book Where the Wild Things are...
(pause)
(pause)
Or... this movie.
Yeah, ever since I launched this blog, I promised myself that I wouldn't review any Pixar movies, because some of them are good, some of them sucked, and some of them are caught in between. I mean, wait until you hear this: this is supposed to be a monster movie... that's supposed to be a comedy. This is ironic, because in most monster movies, it's not so funny unless you throw in some comic relief. But hey. If comedy and cutesy stuff is your idea of getting kids in the seats, then be my guest.
And get this: this movie was so popular, even years after its theatrical release, that it made billions off its merchandising. Apparently, it was that popular, even to this day.
So let's see why this movie has people blown away by its movie magic. (I may disagree.) This is Monsters, Inc.
Opening Title Sequence:
So the movie wastes no time in throwing its opening credits at us.
-The 2D animation here is pretty impressive, but tell me if the style is familiar...
[cough] Pink Panther
Opening Scene:
So after two minutes of the movie trying its damnest to keep us away from the scary-looking scene that's to come... here's a scary-looking scene. A monster creeping up to a sleeping boy.
-(sarcasm) You know, for kids!
But it turns out that the monster himself is scared of the kid, and then destroys the kid's room in result of his panic attack.
-Is it too late to get my money back?
But it turns out that this was only a simulation inside the Monsters, Inc. building. The bat-lady criticizes the employee for leaving the door open during his test.
Bat-lady whatever: "Leaving the door open... because..."
-Uh, because it's an obvious foreshadow of what's to happen later on in this movie(?)
Mr. Waternoose: "It could let in a child!"
-Oh, God! Don't tell me that Pixar got that old guy from Snow Dogs...
So this is Mr. Waternoose (voiced by the late James Coburn), who wants his employees to... well, his speech will tell you:
Mr. Waternoose: "I need scarers who are confident, tenacious, tough, intimidating! I need scarers like... James P. Sullivan!"
Morning Scene:
-...who apparently still in bed?
Yeah, we're now being introduced to Mike Wazowski (voiced by Billy Crystal) and Sulley (voiced by John Goodman), as they get ready to go to work. Where do they work, you may ask? Well, the commercial that they sit down and watch will tell you:
Employee: "I'm Monsters, Inc."
Sulley: "Hey look! Betty!"
-(mimicking Sulley) Hey look! Some random person that only gets a few seconds of screen time!
-Hey look! A Pixar movie! Why not waste your talent on it?
-Hey look! A Pixar movie! Why not waste your talent on it?
So, seeing that Mike's face is covered by the company's logo at the end of the commercial, I'm pretty sure he was disappointed and heart-broken by this...
Mike: "I...was...on...TV! Ha! Did you see me? I'm a natural!"
-(pause) Are you sure I can't get my money back now?
Walk to Work:
So Mike and Sulley leave to work through Cameo-Street...
-No really. The characters that they interact with during this scene are nothing but walking-talking cameos. Not much to talk about here.
Next, our characters come across a sign saying "Don't Stalk. Stalk."
-Okay, I gotta ask: What if someone takes that sign the wrong way. What if telling people when and when not to stalk people?
Entering the Factory:
So our characters finally make it to Monsters, Inc., where we get more cameos, and find out that Sulley is a long-time Employee of the Month winner.
-[cough] Popular stereotype.
-[cough] Popular stereotype.
The guys then visit Mike's girlfriend Celia (voiced by Jennifer Tilly- the bride of Chuckie from the Child's Play series) at the front desk, where Mike wants to take her out on a date for her birthday.
-Okay, fair enough...
Mike (singing): "You and me! Me and you! Both of us TOGETHER!"
-Okay! We get it already! You love this chick! Stop it already! Go do something productive! Make yourself useful by shutting the fuck up!
Locker room:
And wouldn't you know it, Mike and Sulley run into yet ANOTHER character...
Randall: "WAZOWSKI!"
-What the hell is that?!
Actually, this is Randall (voiced by Steve Buscemi), and he makes it so obvious that he wants to be the best, other than Sulley...
-(pause) You know what this is? This is becoming a movie of stereotypes. I'm not kidding! This movie has a lot of stereotypes! In fact, let's go through all of them.
1. the popular person with a heart (Sulley) CHECK
2. the geeky and/or socially weird guy that strives to be famous but, most of the time, doesn't (Mike) CHECK
3. the love interest to the geeky and/or socially weird stereotype (Celia) CHECK
4. awkward asshole (Randall) CHECK
5. the wimpy assistant (Jeff Fungus- Randall's assistant) CHECK
6. the head-of-the-company stereotype (Mr. Waternoose) CHECK
7. the comic foils that make us laugh, but then return to taking a backseat as the plot resumes (the cameos) ABUNDANT
Mike: (to Sulley) "One of these days I am really... (pause)... gonna let you teach that guy a lesson."
-(giggling) Okay, that was one funny line.
Scare Floor:
So Mike meets up with Roz the movie's Eeyore and stick-in-the-mud administrative clerk...
-I'm gonna be honest. If you want to steal Ursula's hairstyle (The Little Mermaid) and steal Jabba's species type (Star Wars), then have a voice and personality that fits!
Anyway, Mike gets to work as he swaps a card to summon a human door. And the other employees do the same.
-Now I'll admit: this is a really cool factory. The machinery, the doors, and the technology! It's amazing, but they also seem to work against the film:
1. The machinery seems closer to real-life, even though its supposed to be imaginative. However, what if a child questions the machinery? (ex. "Mom, what is that?" or "What does that do?")
2. How do monsters know about this technology? The movie glossed over that one really well.
Anyway, all the scarers, including Sulley, have their slow-mo walk and then get ready to scare.
Sulley: "Hey, may the best monster win."
Randall: "I plan to."
-Competition. Because sportsmanship should come... NEVER!
So the scaring begins, and...
Jeff Fungus: "You're still behind, Randall..."
Randall: "JUST GET ME ANOTHER DOOR!"
Fungus: "A door! Yes! Door!"
-By the way, Randall's assistant is voiced by... Frank Oz?! The voice of the Muppet characters and Sesame Street characters?! Why, Frank?! Why?!
So after losing to Sulley again on the scare floor, Randall grows jealous.
However, when one of the scarers is spotted with a kid's sock on his back, a military force called the CDA are summoned to "decontaminate" him.
-Okay, what you will notice in this movie is that people have a tendency to freak out about the lamest things. I mean, I could walk into a party of theirs and be like...
(dropping my glasses onto the table)
(monsters freaking out at a restaurant)
You see?
The whole movie is like that: paranoia at its worst! Would that sound good on a movie poster? Monsters, Inc.: See why everyone is freaked out in this movie. That would be annoying!
After that "epic" incident with the sock-wearing monster, Mr. Waternoose and Sulley share a scene where they're talking like old friends.
-... (pause)... It's been a while. Let's check back with Mike and his "sweetheart"...
Near Front Desk:
So Mike remembers that he didn't turn in his paperwork to Roz, but Sulley offers to take it for him.
-...Might as well stick a paper on you saying "Find me, human kid."
Yeah, it's obvious that you're saying that, movie.
Scare floor at night:
As he's grabbing Mike's paperwork, Sulley comes across a vacant human door, and guess what else...
-(as video game announcer) Welcome to the Virtual-Haunted-House-Which-Is-Really-A-Factory game! You gotta get your supporting actress out of the factory!
(Sulley rushing out of kid's room)
Press A repeatedly to flee the scene
(Sulley running away before Randall arrives)
Press X and Y to dump all the contents into the toilet
(Sulley puts contents into the toilet and flushes)
CHALLENGE FAILED
(toilet overflows)
Press B to dump contents into a random person's locker
(Sulley puts contents into a locker)
Press A repeatedly to close the locker
(Sulley closes locker)
Great job! Thanks for playing! Hope you had a fun night, or...
Sulley: (screaming and running)
Press A repeatedly to run away from supporting character
Now press X to put supporting character inside a gym bag
(Sulley places kid inside a bag)
So Sulley tries to put the kid back inside her door, only to find that Randall is there working lately. So, instead of confronting Randall, he heads out of the factory to find Mike...
Restaurant scene:
...who's on a date with Celia. But don't worry: Sulley ruins their date by interrupting and taking Mike aside to explain the problem in the clearest, understandable way possible...
Sulley: "Ook-lay in the ag-bay."
-(pause) What?
Sulley: "Ook-lay in the ag-bay."
-(pause) What the hell does that even mean?
Sulley: "Look in the bag."
-Was that what you were trying to say? (pause) I'm sorry, but I'm gonna spend the rest of this scene figuring out what "Ook-lay in the ag-bay" means...
(researching)
It's pig latin, which alters the English language as a game or code... Who gives a shit?!
So (literally), the cat is out of the bag (or should I say kid is out of the bag), and everyone freaks out...
-...because the director thinks it's still funny to have the characters freak out in this movie.
Home:
So Mike and Sulley ditch Celia during the chaos and head home with the kid; and then they take part in the weirdest panic scene ever put to film.
So after screaming and laughing her head off, the kid manages to cause a power outage in the neighborhood.
Later that Night:
While Mike plots to get rid of the kid, Sulley immediately forms a bond with her.
-... That's pretty weird. I mean, think about it. In Beauty and the Beast, Belle fell in love with the Beast by getting to know him and by spending time with him... as time went on. Here, even though this isn't a love relationship, it's still friendship, but the bond was established just by that one look and that one gesture with the kid holding up a drawing of him and her together. That's... just... I don't know; this works to the convenience of the plot either way...
The kid is scared of Sulley's closet, but he assures her that everything is okay.
Sulley: "I'm not gonna scare you. I'm off duty."
-So that makes it better? Being "off duty"?
-And for that matter, remember this scene, because that statement is gonna bite this movie in the ass. Oh, you'll see when we get there.
After tucking the kid into bed, Sulley talks with Mike about having some good feelings towards the human.
Mike: "Really? Well! Let's keep it! I've always wanted a pet- THAT CAN KILL ME!"
-See the paranoia that's in this movie?
So the guys figure out how to spend the kid back home...
The Next Day:
...by disguising her as a monster.
-Uh, nice thought, but make the costume more convincing! It's like dressing her as Chuck E. Cheese and then sending her into a room full of screaming and misbehaving kids!
Anyway, despite tighter security from the CDA...
-Sounds like the abbreviations that you would give to an organization that looked like the CIA but was actually an organization for male escorts for a bachelorette party.
...and more investigations from last night's incident, our heroes manage to pass off the kid as...
Sulley: "...cousin's sister's daughter..."
Mike: "...take your cousin's sister's daughter along..."
-A relative from a confusing-as-hell bloodline? (pause) I guess that works...
Later on...:
So being careful not to be discovered, Mike tries to get the card key that Randall had last night, but fails at that, because for some reason, his paperwork wasn't turned in.
-(sarcasm) Wow! I can't imagine why!
Meanwhile, Sulley and the kid are in the men's room, until Mike shows up, only for them to hide from Randall who's obviously up to no good.
-Yeah, I'm gonna stick a note saying "I'm the bad guy" on you. It's so obvious!
(Randall invisible)
-...
(Randall slamming on each bathroom stall door)
-(me shuddering)
So our heroes overhear Randall and his rejected-Muppet-character-of-an-assistant go over a sinister plan.
Randall: "You just get the machine ready. I'll take care of the kid."
-(pause) You have issues!
-And by the way, Randall has this ability where he can turn invisible and blend into his surroundings... like a chameleon. Hell! Why don't all the other monsters in this world have superpowers? Wouldn't having superpowers put Randall in his place? Or... do you want more plot? (pause) I guess you want more plot, because...
Scarefloor scene:
Mike and Sulley create a diversion so that no one would notice them trying to take the kid back home, even though...
1. Mike calls up the wrong door
2. Sulley is starting to give the kid a pet name (he names her "Boo")
But, as you can imagine, the guys lose Boo and try to find her. They run into Randall, but they create a lie about how they weren't involved about last night's incident.
They run into Celia, who's now bitching about being ditched at the sushi restaurant...
where the incident happened... when Randall is just down the hall, and finds out that Mike and Sulley were involved.
-Well, that didn't take long!
Hallway:
So Randall confronts Mike in the hallway and threatens him.
Randall: "You see that clock? The big hand is pointing, and the little hand is pointing up. The kid's door will be in my station. But when the big hand points down, the door will be gone. You have until then to put the kid back..."
-(pause)... Okay, movie. I'm just gonna tell you right now:...Pick which one is more embarrassing-
A. calling your binge drinking to the point of vomiting repeatedly your magnum opus
B. tearing your brain out and submitting it to Pixar, with a note saying "Use my ideas!"
C. this slap-to-the-face threat made by the so-called villain of the movie... along with physical abuse (mainly with the arms)
If you picked anything other than Answer C, then something is different wrong with your writers.
Hallway (cont'd.):
So it's a race against time, as Mike catches up with Sulley, who's still looking for the little brat. They end up finding her with a group of kids... that are supposed to be considered a daycare for this factory(?)
Teacher: "What an affectionate father."
Sulley: "Uh, actually, she's my-"
-Blah, blah, blah! Your cousin's sister's daughter! Let's use that lie one more time, why don't ya!
Scarefloor (vacant):
Mike and Sulley arrive at Boo's rightful door. However, when Sulley hears about Randall, he hesitates, because he thinks it's a trap...
...and it turns out that it is a trap, because Mike is captured when he enters the room to prove that it's safe.
After eluding Randall again, and LETTING HIM GET AWAY...!
-WTF?!
Sulley pursues the villain to a secret passageway in one of the hallways.
Secret passageway:
While staying hidden, Sulley and Boo find Randall and his assistant unboxing their stole goods, only to find that Mike was in the box the whole time.
-Well, I guess Randall would give up and let Mike go now, OR...
Randall: "Say hello to the Scream-Extractor."
Mike: "...Hello?"
-... use Mike instead to test out a dangerous device that would potentially make physical scaring of kids obscelete. Okay, when do you really give a damn about what this machine does. We can all just agree that it's dangerous.
But the machine shuts down after Sulley unplugs it off-screen. And then Sulley frees Mike, while the Frank Oz character sits in his place, having liposuction- I mean, his lips raped by Randall's machine...
-Not getting the vibe here?
Simulation room:
Now that our heroes escaped the horrors of Randall, what will they do now to get Boo home? Tell about it to Mr. Waternoose!
But hey! That's too simple! Why not have Mr. Waternoose pressure Sulley to do a little scare demonstration for a group of recruitees, which scares the living shit out of Boo?
-(sarcasm) Yeah! Great call on that movie!
-By the way, remember that scene that I wanted y'all to remember earlier?
Sulley: "I'm not gonna scare you. I'm off duty!"
Well, now that Boo is upset by Sulley's scare demonstration... we can all assume that the "I'm not gonna scare you" promise... is now all BS.
-Yeah, I'm not surprised by this at all, because it was so obvious. You know, most of the stuff in this movie is so obvious. Most of the surprises are weak, and that's not good. So I apologize if I don't find it upsetting...
...when Mr. Waternoose betrays Mike and Sulley by banishing them into the human world and helping Randall kidnap Boo.
-I'm sorry. It all has to do with the story itself; they prolong it when they shouldn't. And don't think they'll learn their lesson in Finding Nemo, because they won't.
"Frozen Waste Land" scene:
So Mike and Sulley meet up with an abominable snowman... who does nothing but hand out snow cones and try his best to be of assistance.
During the hospitality, Mike is fed up with Sulley trying to help Boo.
Mike: "Boo? What about us?"
-I gotta ask, Mike. What the fuck is your problem?
Mike: "Oh, we were about to break the record, Sulley. We would've had it made!"
-...(pause) Is that what this is all about? Trying to break a stupid record? Hell! Even Randall questions this:
Randall: "You still think this is about that stupid scare record?"
Yeah, even though he's the bad guy, I gotta side with Randall: Why would Mike, in any way, still be worried about breaking a lousy record? Doesn't Mike have any sympathy for Boo?
So, when Sulley saddles up to go to Boo's rescue, Mike gives him the cold shoulder.
Mike: "There's no we this time, pal. If-if-if you want to go out there and freeze to death, you be my guest, because you're on your own."
-(mimicking Mike) Yeah, you're on your own. While you get to be a supporting actor in Trouble With The Curve, I'll be playing a grandpa in Parental Guidance... of which no one will probably remember, even after its release. I have the worst luck ever when it comes to trying to be famous.
Sulley to the Rescue:
So Sulley fights through a nasty snow storm and manages to go through a kid's door back into the monster world...
-...for some reason(?)
Secret Lair:
Meanwhile...
Mr. Waternoose: "I shouldn't have trusted you. Because of you, I had to banish my top scarer."
Randall: "Ah, with this machine, we don't need scarers. Besides, Sullivan got what he deserved."
Mr. Waternoose: "Sullivan was twice the scarer you'll ever be!"
-Um... Waternoose is trying to defend Sulley now? (pause) IDK. I still think that he's trying to cover his ass.
Anyway, they try to use the machine on Boo, but Sulley comes to her aid, and...
what a surprise. Mike comes to help them.
-I guess he had a change of heart? Where the hell did that come from? There was no transformation scene, no nothing!
Scarefloor mayhem scene:
Our heroes race to the scarefloor, only to run into Celia who's still pissed at Mike. After Mike explains everything, she's all of a sudden siding with our heroes.
-That was pretty fast also.
Randall continues to pursue our heroes, even though Celia tries to stop him by making an announcement about him breaking the scare record.
-ENOUGH ABOUT THE RECORD-BREAKING!!!
And then this next scene is... pretty amazing.
-I'm not kidding. The riding on doors to get away from the villain. Not caring how the fuck this world is supposed to work whenever the characters go through different doors.
After two minutes of door-riding and door-chasing, Sulley finally confronts Randall... who kicks his ass to the point where Sulley is hanging by a thread.
Randall: "Look at everybody's favorite scarer. You stupid pathetic waste!"
-Oh, Boardwalk Empire, please give Steve Buscemi a career. I don't think he can stand any more of this deprivation of his acting talent any longer...
Suddenly, Boo faces her fears and beats on Randall, allowing Sulley to gain control, and proving that Boo is no one afraid of the purple oversized lizard...
-... not Barney the Dinosaur. I'm talking about Randall.
So our heroes banish Randall to the door of a redneck house and try to get Boo back through her door, only for the door and them to be summoned by the CDA...
-Sounds like the abbreviations you would give to a supervillain's lair...
Waternoose scene:
Mike creates a division with a sock, while Sulley and Boo sneak away to find a place where they can activate Boo's door. Mr. Waternoose is hot on their trail, and it isn't long until the old fart catches up with them.
Mr. Waternoose: "This has gone far enough, James."
Sulley: "She's home now. Just leave her alone!"
Mr. Waternoose: "I can't do that, James! She's seen too much! You both have."
Sulley: "It doesn't have to be this way!"
Mr. Waternoose: "I have no choice. Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore."
-Sounds diabolical, but what are you gonna do about it?
Sulley: "But kidnapping children?"
Mr. Waternoose: "I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die, and I'll silence anyone who gets in my way!"
-... That was your evil plan all this time, Waternoose? In fact, how did this plan ever come across? Earlier, it was obvious that Randall orchestrated all of this, but now you? Uh, explain movie! Or are we to assume that Mr. Waternoose is bipolar?
So Waternoose, it turns out, that he was caught announcing his diabolical plan on survellance, in the simulation room... and in front of Mike and the CDA...
-Sounds like the abbreviation of... Oh, screw it! Let's just get back to the movie. We're almost through.
So Mr. Waternoose is arrested, and guess who's the head of the CDA:
Roz: "Hello boys."
Mike and Sulley: "Roz?"
-Yeah, remember Roz is in this movie too? Oops, I forgot!
-And for that matter, how the hell did she get into the mix all of a sudden? All she does in this movie was sit on her ass and look grouchy! Explain, movie! How the hell is she part of the plot now?
Sending Boo home:
...Well, screw it. Roz tells the heroes to send Boo back home, but warns them that they can never see the kid again.
So after saying good-bye to Mike, Boo is returned home.
-I gotta admit: this scene was emotional.
So the door is shredded, leaving Sulley with a chip of the door.
Outside:
Word goes out that the factory will shut down because they've lost their CEO.
-Well, what are they gonna do about it?
Next Day:
Make kids laugh for energy source, of course!
-Know that saying "Laughter is the best medicine"? Well, this scene takes that saying to a whole new level.
So Mike is the working force, as he entertains kids by making them laugh.
Despite the success of the factory, Sulley still misses Boo. So, what does Mike do to cheer his buddy up? Show him the door that's been put back together again, allowing Sulley to visit Boo whenever he wants.
-Yeah, give the kids their happy ending, why don't ya! It's not like this rarely happens in real life!
And that's Monsters, Inc. Folks... Can I be honest here?
Granted, I liked this movie as a kid; but as of nowadays, it seems rather odd. From the prolonging story to the overacting... how would you find some of this movie legitimately funny? I mean, Billy Crystal and John Goodman, God bless them; I know they were trying to be funny in their roles, but the movie's script gives them very little to work with.
Plus, the paranoia that these characters have just distract people from getting the whole story. Again, characters in this movie find it so easy to freak out from the lamest things. How is that funny? It's like watching a nursing home full of old people have heart attacks and episodes left and right? That's not good.
Finally, the story itself was confusing, because there were so many things were never explained. And to see such beautiful Pixar animation mashed up with such a vague story... is just unbelievable. Well, to be fair, it's not all that bad; it just seems weak.
So, if you think that the movie's prequel Monsters University is any good, many critics would say otherwise. (I mean, I've never seen that movie, because of this one.)
Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Monsters, Inc.
The Return of the Pink Panther
Courtesy: Disney/Pixar and ITC/United Artists.
So after screaming and laughing her head off, the kid manages to cause a power outage in the neighborhood.
Later that Night:
While Mike plots to get rid of the kid, Sulley immediately forms a bond with her.
-... That's pretty weird. I mean, think about it. In Beauty and the Beast, Belle fell in love with the Beast by getting to know him and by spending time with him... as time went on. Here, even though this isn't a love relationship, it's still friendship, but the bond was established just by that one look and that one gesture with the kid holding up a drawing of him and her together. That's... just... I don't know; this works to the convenience of the plot either way...
The kid is scared of Sulley's closet, but he assures her that everything is okay.
Sulley: "I'm not gonna scare you. I'm off duty."
-So that makes it better? Being "off duty"?
-And for that matter, remember this scene, because that statement is gonna bite this movie in the ass. Oh, you'll see when we get there.
After tucking the kid into bed, Sulley talks with Mike about having some good feelings towards the human.
Mike: "Really? Well! Let's keep it! I've always wanted a pet- THAT CAN KILL ME!"
-See the paranoia that's in this movie?
So the guys figure out how to spend the kid back home...
The Next Day:
...by disguising her as a monster.
-Uh, nice thought, but make the costume more convincing! It's like dressing her as Chuck E. Cheese and then sending her into a room full of screaming and misbehaving kids!
Anyway, despite tighter security from the CDA...
-Sounds like the abbreviations that you would give to an organization that looked like the CIA but was actually an organization for male escorts for a bachelorette party.
...and more investigations from last night's incident, our heroes manage to pass off the kid as...
Sulley: "...cousin's sister's daughter..."
Mike: "...take your cousin's sister's daughter along..."
-A relative from a confusing-as-hell bloodline? (pause) I guess that works...
Later on...:
So being careful not to be discovered, Mike tries to get the card key that Randall had last night, but fails at that, because for some reason, his paperwork wasn't turned in.
-(sarcasm) Wow! I can't imagine why!
Meanwhile, Sulley and the kid are in the men's room, until Mike shows up, only for them to hide from Randall who's obviously up to no good.
-Yeah, I'm gonna stick a note saying "I'm the bad guy" on you. It's so obvious!
(Randall invisible)
-...
(Randall slamming on each bathroom stall door)
-(me shuddering)
So our heroes overhear Randall and his rejected-Muppet-character-of-an-assistant go over a sinister plan.
Randall: "You just get the machine ready. I'll take care of the kid."
-(pause) You have issues!
-And by the way, Randall has this ability where he can turn invisible and blend into his surroundings... like a chameleon. Hell! Why don't all the other monsters in this world have superpowers? Wouldn't having superpowers put Randall in his place? Or... do you want more plot? (pause) I guess you want more plot, because...
Scarefloor scene:
Mike and Sulley create a diversion so that no one would notice them trying to take the kid back home, even though...
1. Mike calls up the wrong door
2. Sulley is starting to give the kid a pet name (he names her "Boo")
But, as you can imagine, the guys lose Boo and try to find her. They run into Randall, but they create a lie about how they weren't involved about last night's incident.
They run into Celia, who's now bitching about being ditched at the sushi restaurant...
where the incident happened... when Randall is just down the hall, and finds out that Mike and Sulley were involved.
-Well, that didn't take long!
Hallway:
So Randall confronts Mike in the hallway and threatens him.
Randall: "You see that clock? The big hand is pointing, and the little hand is pointing up. The kid's door will be in my station. But when the big hand points down, the door will be gone. You have until then to put the kid back..."
-(pause)... Okay, movie. I'm just gonna tell you right now:...Pick which one is more embarrassing-
A. calling your binge drinking to the point of vomiting repeatedly your magnum opus
B. tearing your brain out and submitting it to Pixar, with a note saying "Use my ideas!"
C. this slap-to-the-face threat made by the so-called villain of the movie... along with physical abuse (mainly with the arms)
If you picked anything other than Answer C, then something is different wrong with your writers.
Hallway (cont'd.):
So it's a race against time, as Mike catches up with Sulley, who's still looking for the little brat. They end up finding her with a group of kids... that are supposed to be considered a daycare for this factory(?)
Teacher: "What an affectionate father."
Sulley: "Uh, actually, she's my-"
-Blah, blah, blah! Your cousin's sister's daughter! Let's use that lie one more time, why don't ya!
Scarefloor (vacant):
Mike and Sulley arrive at Boo's rightful door. However, when Sulley hears about Randall, he hesitates, because he thinks it's a trap...
...and it turns out that it is a trap, because Mike is captured when he enters the room to prove that it's safe.
After eluding Randall again, and LETTING HIM GET AWAY...!
-WTF?!
Sulley pursues the villain to a secret passageway in one of the hallways.
Secret passageway:
While staying hidden, Sulley and Boo find Randall and his assistant unboxing their stole goods, only to find that Mike was in the box the whole time.
-Well, I guess Randall would give up and let Mike go now, OR...
Randall: "Say hello to the Scream-Extractor."
Mike: "...Hello?"
-... use Mike instead to test out a dangerous device that would potentially make physical scaring of kids obscelete. Okay, when do you really give a damn about what this machine does. We can all just agree that it's dangerous.
But the machine shuts down after Sulley unplugs it off-screen. And then Sulley frees Mike, while the Frank Oz character sits in his place, having liposuction- I mean, his lips raped by Randall's machine...
-Not getting the vibe here?
Simulation room:
Now that our heroes escaped the horrors of Randall, what will they do now to get Boo home? Tell about it to Mr. Waternoose!
But hey! That's too simple! Why not have Mr. Waternoose pressure Sulley to do a little scare demonstration for a group of recruitees, which scares the living shit out of Boo?
-(sarcasm) Yeah! Great call on that movie!
-By the way, remember that scene that I wanted y'all to remember earlier?
Sulley: "I'm not gonna scare you. I'm off duty!"
Well, now that Boo is upset by Sulley's scare demonstration... we can all assume that the "I'm not gonna scare you" promise... is now all BS.
-Yeah, I'm not surprised by this at all, because it was so obvious. You know, most of the stuff in this movie is so obvious. Most of the surprises are weak, and that's not good. So I apologize if I don't find it upsetting...
...when Mr. Waternoose betrays Mike and Sulley by banishing them into the human world and helping Randall kidnap Boo.
-I'm sorry. It all has to do with the story itself; they prolong it when they shouldn't. And don't think they'll learn their lesson in Finding Nemo, because they won't.
"Frozen Waste Land" scene:
So Mike and Sulley meet up with an abominable snowman... who does nothing but hand out snow cones and try his best to be of assistance.
During the hospitality, Mike is fed up with Sulley trying to help Boo.
Mike: "Boo? What about us?"
-I gotta ask, Mike. What the fuck is your problem?
Mike: "Oh, we were about to break the record, Sulley. We would've had it made!"
-...(pause) Is that what this is all about? Trying to break a stupid record? Hell! Even Randall questions this:
Randall: "You still think this is about that stupid scare record?"
Yeah, even though he's the bad guy, I gotta side with Randall: Why would Mike, in any way, still be worried about breaking a lousy record? Doesn't Mike have any sympathy for Boo?
So, when Sulley saddles up to go to Boo's rescue, Mike gives him the cold shoulder.
Mike: "There's no we this time, pal. If-if-if you want to go out there and freeze to death, you be my guest, because you're on your own."
-(mimicking Mike) Yeah, you're on your own. While you get to be a supporting actor in Trouble With The Curve, I'll be playing a grandpa in Parental Guidance... of which no one will probably remember, even after its release. I have the worst luck ever when it comes to trying to be famous.
Sulley to the Rescue:
So Sulley fights through a nasty snow storm and manages to go through a kid's door back into the monster world...
-...for some reason(?)
Secret Lair:
Meanwhile...
Mr. Waternoose: "I shouldn't have trusted you. Because of you, I had to banish my top scarer."
Randall: "Ah, with this machine, we don't need scarers. Besides, Sullivan got what he deserved."
Mr. Waternoose: "Sullivan was twice the scarer you'll ever be!"
-Um... Waternoose is trying to defend Sulley now? (pause) IDK. I still think that he's trying to cover his ass.
Anyway, they try to use the machine on Boo, but Sulley comes to her aid, and...
what a surprise. Mike comes to help them.
-I guess he had a change of heart? Where the hell did that come from? There was no transformation scene, no nothing!
Scarefloor mayhem scene:
Our heroes race to the scarefloor, only to run into Celia who's still pissed at Mike. After Mike explains everything, she's all of a sudden siding with our heroes.
-That was pretty fast also.
Randall continues to pursue our heroes, even though Celia tries to stop him by making an announcement about him breaking the scare record.
-ENOUGH ABOUT THE RECORD-BREAKING!!!
And then this next scene is... pretty amazing.
-I'm not kidding. The riding on doors to get away from the villain. Not caring how the fuck this world is supposed to work whenever the characters go through different doors.
After two minutes of door-riding and door-chasing, Sulley finally confronts Randall... who kicks his ass to the point where Sulley is hanging by a thread.
Randall: "Look at everybody's favorite scarer. You stupid pathetic waste!"
-Oh, Boardwalk Empire, please give Steve Buscemi a career. I don't think he can stand any more of this deprivation of his acting talent any longer...
Suddenly, Boo faces her fears and beats on Randall, allowing Sulley to gain control, and proving that Boo is no one afraid of the purple oversized lizard...
-... not Barney the Dinosaur. I'm talking about Randall.
So our heroes banish Randall to the door of a redneck house and try to get Boo back through her door, only for the door and them to be summoned by the CDA...
-Sounds like the abbreviations you would give to a supervillain's lair...
Waternoose scene:
Mike creates a division with a sock, while Sulley and Boo sneak away to find a place where they can activate Boo's door. Mr. Waternoose is hot on their trail, and it isn't long until the old fart catches up with them.
Mr. Waternoose: "This has gone far enough, James."
Sulley: "She's home now. Just leave her alone!"
Mr. Waternoose: "I can't do that, James! She's seen too much! You both have."
Sulley: "It doesn't have to be this way!"
Mr. Waternoose: "I have no choice. Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore."
-Sounds diabolical, but what are you gonna do about it?
Sulley: "But kidnapping children?"
Mr. Waternoose: "I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die, and I'll silence anyone who gets in my way!"
-... That was your evil plan all this time, Waternoose? In fact, how did this plan ever come across? Earlier, it was obvious that Randall orchestrated all of this, but now you? Uh, explain movie! Or are we to assume that Mr. Waternoose is bipolar?
So Waternoose, it turns out, that he was caught announcing his diabolical plan on survellance, in the simulation room... and in front of Mike and the CDA...
-Sounds like the abbreviation of... Oh, screw it! Let's just get back to the movie. We're almost through.
So Mr. Waternoose is arrested, and guess who's the head of the CDA:
Roz: "Hello boys."
Mike and Sulley: "Roz?"
-Yeah, remember Roz is in this movie too? Oops, I forgot!
-And for that matter, how the hell did she get into the mix all of a sudden? All she does in this movie was sit on her ass and look grouchy! Explain, movie! How the hell is she part of the plot now?
Sending Boo home:
...Well, screw it. Roz tells the heroes to send Boo back home, but warns them that they can never see the kid again.
So after saying good-bye to Mike, Boo is returned home.
-I gotta admit: this scene was emotional.
So the door is shredded, leaving Sulley with a chip of the door.
Outside:
Word goes out that the factory will shut down because they've lost their CEO.
-Well, what are they gonna do about it?
Next Day:
Make kids laugh for energy source, of course!
-Know that saying "Laughter is the best medicine"? Well, this scene takes that saying to a whole new level.
So Mike is the working force, as he entertains kids by making them laugh.
Despite the success of the factory, Sulley still misses Boo. So, what does Mike do to cheer his buddy up? Show him the door that's been put back together again, allowing Sulley to visit Boo whenever he wants.
-Yeah, give the kids their happy ending, why don't ya! It's not like this rarely happens in real life!
And that's Monsters, Inc. Folks... Can I be honest here?
Granted, I liked this movie as a kid; but as of nowadays, it seems rather odd. From the prolonging story to the overacting... how would you find some of this movie legitimately funny? I mean, Billy Crystal and John Goodman, God bless them; I know they were trying to be funny in their roles, but the movie's script gives them very little to work with.
Plus, the paranoia that these characters have just distract people from getting the whole story. Again, characters in this movie find it so easy to freak out from the lamest things. How is that funny? It's like watching a nursing home full of old people have heart attacks and episodes left and right? That's not good.
Finally, the story itself was confusing, because there were so many things were never explained. And to see such beautiful Pixar animation mashed up with such a vague story... is just unbelievable. Well, to be fair, it's not all that bad; it just seems weak.
So, if you think that the movie's prequel Monsters University is any good, many critics would say otherwise. (I mean, I've never seen that movie, because of this one.)
Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Monsters, Inc.
The Return of the Pink Panther
Courtesy: Disney/Pixar and ITC/United Artists.
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