Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Whatsoever Critic's Top 6 Worst Villain Songs

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

You know, I can't help but pay close attention to whenever the bad guy has their own musical number. I mean, what's to look forward to but the bad guy revealing their evil deeds to the hero and/or audience. However, there are some villain songs that either don't impress, just weird, or both. So, today I will give you my Top 10 Worst Villain Songs.
So good luck trying to explain your evil deeds to me, you rap scallions!

6. "The Rumor Weed Song" from LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed

(I'm talking about the version sung by the Rumor Weed herself, not sung by the guys at the end credits.) Might as well put "Can't sing" to the resume, because this weed sounds like she's rapping this song more than singing it. The song would've been a hell of a lot more convincing and threatening if it were sung by Cynthia West, the chick that played the Bad Apple in LarryBoy and the Bad Apple.
-It's like listening to a party girl drunk or drugged off her ass... which is rarely a good sign.
I would give this song credit, though, for explaining its evil deeds, because that's very important when it comes to villain songs. Despite the bad quality it has when it comes to vocal delivery, you can totally understand the lyrics that it's trying to carry out.

5. "Who Needs You" from Land Before Time 4: Journey Through the Mists

This is a duet sung by the main antagonists Dil (alligator) and Ichy (scavenger). These two sing this crazy song about how they don't get along, and they criticize each other the whole skit. What they say in this song is unbelievably obvious: they don't get along with each other- as proven by... in all of the scenes that they're in.
-Why couldn't they just say 5 words: "Who needs you? Piss off."?

Now, you might be thinking why I didn't score this one high. Well, it should've been, because the song missed the signal on explaining the evil deeds part. However, I scored this one pretty low, because it was catchy; it was engaging; and I was surprised to sit through this musical number without closing my eyes in disgust. Plus, it really spoke to me- learn from the bad guys' selfishness and un-cooperation, and do the opposite.

4. "Cedric the Great" from Sofia the First

God, I hate this guy. This villain is basically the pregnancy that Disney should've aborted or should never have to begin with! This guy already seems like a pervert to Princess Sofia.
-Why doesn't he find another hobby?
Anyway, I dreaded this song when I first heard it. He may be explaining his evil deeds with such clarity, but I don't think even that would save this song.

-He's so into himself in this musical number, like he wants to make out with himself, eat himself up, throw himself back up, and then make out with himself again! Yeah! Very disturbing!
Thank God, Cedric didn't sing this song in that Sofia the First special, "The Floating Palace," where he was this sea monster for a day... That would've been a Little Mermaid-Armageddon!
-Seriously, the sea monster part could've looked more convincing. He looked like a testicle-wielding abomination...

3. "Happy Little Land of Hoboken" from "The Hoboken Surprise" (Penguins of Madagascar)

This one was... interesting... By "interesting," I mean "odd." Unbelievably odd. So odd that you be asking yourself after the skit: Why?!
Imagine walking into a party... and seeing a bunch of people that you hate suddenly welcome you with open arms and sing obnoxious songs to you over and over... only for them to succeed in making your life miserable for the rest of your days. That's this song.
I don't know what drug-induced trance that these bad guys were in (or what drug-induced trance that the writers were in), but acting nice towards a group of heroic penguins in the Penguins of Madagascar's version of Batman Arkham... is creepy.
Plus, is it weird to say that during this musical number, all I'm thinking about is why they had to have Savio the snake in on this. I don't know, do you think the writers would find it cute and hilarious to add one of this show's most socially-weird bad guys in this song? Second, why would Lulu, the only good guy in the zoo, end up in a place like Hoboken?
-Maybe she was a spy.
Oh yeah, and guess what the candle on this cake is: this fuckin' crazy-lady zookeeper Frances rapping up the song, and making the penguins nearly hurl from her spinning and (obviously fake) singing voice.

-That's right; if you thought the villains in this musical number were obnoxious singers, Frances is the worst of them all!

2. "We're Despicable (Plunderer's March)" from Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol & "No Batteries" from Rock-A-Doodle
I decided to put these two together, because they shared some similarities. First, I'll evaluate them individually.
The "We're Despicable" song from Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol was... just bad. Not just bad, but mostly odd. We're talking about a group of thieves going to a professional pickpocket to get money by stealing Scrooge's things. This song committed the biggest crime ever: they broke the rule of "Show and Don't Tell."

-I mean, we see them stealing and getting paid for their mischief... but why break into song to emphasize it?!
Now, for the "No Batteries" song from Rock-A-Doodle, this was too short of a song, unless it was followed up by a later song... IDK. Anyway, the song was about how the farm animals are running out of batteries for a flashlight, in order to scare away the owls with its light, because owls don't like being in the light.

However, the song started with the lyric: "Twiddle-le-dee," which was a dead giveaway that that song was going to suck. I mean, what sinister bad guy starts his villain song with the phrase: "Twiddle-le-dee"?
-Doesn't the Grand Duke of Owls have any balls at all in this movie? Or did he drink as a fetus?!
Anyway, both songs shared the following:
a.) the obnoxious laughter
b.) the fact that they were sung by a group of 4 or more
c.) they're hell-bent on doing bad things (obviously)
What more can you say?

1. "The Bunny Song" from Rack, Shack, and Benny (Veggietales)

Some of you may remember that I scored this song the lowest on my Top 12 Villain Songs list. And of course, I said that this song was controversial.
This song was about how Mr. Nezzer wanted his employees to bow to a giant bunny and sing this song to show their "appreciation" towards the bunny.
Now, where do I start with this one?

First of all, of all the Veggietales song, this one was the most controversial. In an interview on the DVD in the bonus features, Veggietales creator Phil Vischer said that the original lyrics: "I don't love my mom or my dad" "I won't go to church, and I won't go to school..." stirred up some controversy. Parents wrote the studio saying that their kids are singing the lyrics, which was a really bad sign. So, the writers had to revise and edit the song, and make new copies of the videos and DVD with the "revised" version; however, the only downside to this, is that some of consumers have the video with the original song. Episodes later, the show decided to make a sing-along compilation; they even added this song, except they had to revise and edit it again, making it the "new and improved" Bunny Song... with the exception of the lady asparagus back-singers still singing some of the old lyrics, in which Mr. Nezzer tries to stop them from singing the old lyrics...
-Does that make any sense at all?
Second of all, I put this song on top of the list, because it didn't seem like a legit villain song, because the main antagonist Mr. Nezzer ends up learning his lesson in the end.
-Don't believe me? Check out the Biblical story that Rack, Shack, and Benny was based on.
So, okay, Nezzer. Here's your appreciation. Now do us a favor: try not to be the bad guy in anymore of the Veggietales videos...

And that was my Top 6 Worst Villain Songs. I hoped you had fun!

Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Veggietales
Land Before Time 4: Journey Through the Mists
Sofia the First
Penguins of Madagascar
Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol
Rock-A-Doodle

All rights go to Big Idea Entertainment, Universal Studios Home Video, Disney, DreamWorks Animation, Rankin/Bass, and Don Bluth.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Coming Soon This Year in 2014...

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

Now, you guys may be wondering what I look forward to doing this new year. Well, I got news for y'all! Here are some of the reviews that I plan on working on some time this year: (the list is out of order, but just to give you an idea...)
-Veggietales: It's a Meaningful Life

-Veggietales: The League of Incredible Vegetables

-Barney's Imagination Island

-Barney's Great Adventure

-Fireproof

-Beastly

-The Hollow

-The Great Mouse Detective

-A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010 film)

-Lamb Chop In The Haunted Studio

and many more reviews and editorials!!!

So be sure to subscribe, like, favorite... That would be greatly appreciated!

Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Veggietales
Barney and Friends
Fireproof
Beastly
The Hollow
The Great Mouse Detective
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010 film)
Lamb Chop In The Haunted Studio

All rights go to Big Idea Entertainment, Lyrick StudiosSamuel Goldwyn Films and Affirm Films, CBS Films and Alliance Films, Platform Entertainment Seed Productions, Disney, New Line Cinema, and Shari Lewis.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Amateur Critic Will Now Be "Whatsoever Critic"

Hi, I'm the Amateur Critic. 
As the post's title has just announced, yes. I will be changing my critic persona. Why? 'Cuz I wanted to have some originality.
So, as the title suggests, I will be changing my name to Whatsoever Critic. It'll be the same blog posts and reviews and editorial, but with a new name. 
Plus, I will go even farther than that. In fact, I'm also planning on going joining the Youtube world. So, if you really like this blog, then come and support me. When I enter the Youtube world, I'll keep you posted.
Also, you'll notice that the first 40-something blog posts will have the old name "Amateur Critic," and that's okay, because it's still me! The 40-something posts will still be on my blog, so no worries! As for the website address, it'll be the same address as always, ama-critic32.blogspot.com, so no worries on that too.
The name change will take affect either today or tomorrow... Well, hopefully tonight... If my twin sister isn't hogging up my laptop computer anymore. I'm still waiting...
Anyway...

I'm now the Whatsoever Critic. And I hope to start reviewing more things. Why? Because I review just about anything.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

"Jonah: A Veggietales Movie" Movie Review

Hi, I'm the Amateur Critic. I review just about anything.

...

I believe that I've come this far in this blog. In fact, I have to break another one of my promises that I've made during my early posts. I'm sorry... the temptation was hard to resist this time.

...

I promised myself that I wouldn't review a certain movie that I felt was overrated... the movie that stole LarryBoy's chance to show off his superhero-ness in a feature-length film... Okay. I won't delay this any longer. This is Jonah: A Veggietales Movie.

I find it hard to take this movie seriously. One, this is supposed to be a Biblical adaptation. Two, some of the movie is just weird... unbelievably weird. And above all, it tries to retell the Biblical story that it's based on by updating it into almost modern-times, but some of it becomes a Biblical train-wreck, while the other stuff survives as far as adaptations go.
It's weird. It's tries too hard... This is gonna keep me up all night. So let's dive into Jonah: A Veggietales Movie.

But before we move forward, let's first start with a back story...
The Book of Jonah is one of the shortest books in the Bible. It tells the story of how a prophet decided to disobey God, so that he wouldn't go to a place that he didn't like, which was Nineveh. What Jonah does in the story is that he tries running away from God by boarding a ship that's going a different direction  other than Nineveh. But God created a storm to burden the ship with.
The sailors and Jonah grew terrified by the wind and rain. So Jonah takes the time to tell the sailors who he is, and how he was running away from God. Then the prophet tells the sailors to throw him into the sea so that God would stop the storm. The sailors weren't sure about this at first, but as the storm raged on, they had no choice but to do as Jonah told them to do. After that, the storm calms down, amazing the sailors that weren't close to God to begin with but are now.
Next, God sends a large fish to swallow Jonah. In the fish, Jonah spent three days and three nights as punishment for running away from God. During his time in the fish's belly, Jonah prayed to God for forgiveness on his disobedience. So after three days and three nights, the fish spits out Jonah on a beach; and then from there, Jonah goes to Nineveh, as God told him to do.
When he gets to Nineveh, Jonah proclaims God's message, saying that God would destroy the city in forty days if the people didn't repent. The people of Nineveh believed him and they started to become better people. Even the king of Nineveh heard the message and decided to repent too. Everyone had to wear sackcloth to show that they repented. The king then makes a proclamation that everyone repents, and they worship God so that they could get redemption from their sins. God saw this and changed His mind on destroying them, but sparing them.
Jonah sat outside Nineveh hoping that God would destroy the city, but nothing happened. He became very unhappy by this, so he made himself a shelter. God made a plant grow so that Jonah could have some shade. Jonah was grateful for this and liked the shade. But then the next day, the plant dies. Jonah is upset by this. But God tells him that he liked the plant, yet he didn't do anything to care for this. Plus, God points out that He showed mercy on Nineveh, especially since it had more than 120,000 innocent kids in it, as well as so many animals.
Now the story just ends there. Many have no idea what happens to Jonah. Did he die waiting for Nineveh to get destroyed? Did he go insane at all? What? What? Most of us don't know.
However, we can all see that the moral of this story... or morals of the story... are to obey God's commands, and that second chances exist in this world.

This movie... comes pretty close. But then again, this movie may possibly be a Biblical train-wreck, due to some of its writing and humor... and what else? The clichés that happen to show up in every Veggietales adaptation. And heck, it even tries to be forcibly whimsical at every single opportunity it has... Whoa. I don't want to give my full consensus yet. So let's get started!

Opening Scene:

The movie begins with a road trip to a concert to see a singer named Twippo.
-Twippo? Well... I don't wanna know...
So far, the road trip is great, with the gang singing classic road trip songs with Dad Asparagus on guitar; and Bob the Tomato struggling to drive with Mr. Asparagus' guitar in the way, and trying to read the directions on the map.
-Don't they have a GPS?
While that's going on, Laura Carrot is sitting with her friends, bragging to everyone about her backstage pass to see Twippo.

To make matters worse, Bob is mad that nobody's helping him with the directions.
Then we have our first subplot: things heat up as Laura brags some more, causing:
1. Everyone to get annoyed
2. Laura to lose her ticket
3. Bob to lose control of the van

The van drives out of control, causing the gang to run into horrible, disastrous obstacles like: a group of porcupines crossing the road, a tree, a cabin in the woods, and (gasp) a clothesline holding some delectable pair of underwear. But the clothesline breaks, sending the roadsters crashing into a tree stump.

So after that... 100% car-crash-that-could've-been-avoided, the gang look over the damage, and then spot a seafood restaurant not far from where they crashed.
Gang: "Oooh..."
-Whoa, a restaurant! We've just been a horrific car crash... but a restaurant? I'm all ears on what this place is about... 'Cuz, it's, you know... a restaurant!

Restaurant Scene:
So the gang enter the restaurant, but they can't get over blaming each other on who actually started the car crash...

-My money is on Laura, because she was the one bragging...
Even Laura is upset that she lost her ticket, but her friend Junior Asparagus believes that she deserved that loss.
-Yeah, to be fair, if you brag about something around the clock and rub it in in people's faces, chances are, you really deserve to have your feelings hurt. Yeah, I gotta side with Junior here.
Then two French Peas (who are, I guess, the owners of the restaurant) greet the group, making them feel welcome with obnoxious songs and hospitality.

Somewhere in the Restaurant:
Laura and Junior still can't stand each other. So Junior sits by himself in a booth, only to stumble into what this movie can manage for comic relief: the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

And what are they serving up on this fine evening? Compassion at "Market Price" is their special on the menu.

Pa Grape: "We've seen situations like this before..."
-(mimicking Pa Grape) We also go door-to-door selecting random kids that'll listen to us when we say that we want to help them. We're the comic relief guys!
Junior asks about the "compassion" that's on the menu. This leads into our main story of Jonah...

Main Story:

Nope! The pirates are having some root beer first, and then asking for a job next.

-Okay, where do pirates fit into the ancient Israel legend, exactly?
Anyways, the story takes place in ancient Israel, where people sell fish...
-Starting to see the highlight of the movie?
-And how long are we in this movie?
13 minutes and 40 seconds
Wow. we've spent nearly a quarter of an hour showing us a car crash scene and obnoxious acting... Whoop-de-doo.
(Sigh) We're then finally introduced to our main character Jonah (played by Archibald Asparagus), who's apparently a real-life celebrity in his Israel hometown, seeing that he announces messages from the Lord and rides a fancy camel that wears a monocle.

-What's next? Is he gonna sing to the people?

(Jonah sings)
GRRR!
-And look at the mailman trying to make his delivery rounds through this whole musical number! I'm telling you, it's chaos!!
-Oh, by the way, obvious cliché in 3... 2... 1...
Jonah (sings): "Don't do drugs. Stay in school..."
-Okay, where do drugs and school fit into the Israel legend?
-Geez! How long is this movie?
1 hour and 23 minutes
And how far are we now?!
17 minutes and 34 seconds.
GRRR!!

That Night:
Jonah prays to God about what message to deliver next.

God wants him to go to Nineveh to warn the people that if they didn't repent from sin, then the city would be destroyed.
-Is it weird to say that during this scene, all I'm thinking about is why this movie gave Jonah a turban. Whenever I see turbans used in this movie, I immediately think of Aladdin. Wow, a Biblical adaptation ripping off a Disney classic?
This message hits Jonah close to home... so close that he breaks into song(?)
-Great! Another song! As if the movie Les Miserable wasn't enough of a musical romp anyway!
Next, he walks all over a map...? What's this? Is this all in his head? What's next? Is he gonna tap-dance all over the map? Explain, movie!
After that song, Jonah refuses to go to Nineveh.
-(mimicking Jonah) I have to lay off the Vycodin.

Back at the Restaurant:
As the Pirates continue the story, Bob and Laura join the audience. The Pirates then show how mercy (being sold at market price on the menu) comes with compassion.

The Story Continues...:
-Now, I'm pretty sure, at this point, Jonah will get his act together and deliver God's message to the people of Nineveh...
NOPE! He plays runaway fugitive.
Jonah decides to go to a random place on the map called Tarshish.
-Did he play Spin-the-Bottle in order to come to his decision?

Pirate Ship:

So Jonah meets our pirate trio; but the pirates try to bullshit their way out of taking Jonah anywhere. But Jonah says the magic words: "Money is no object," and the pirates swing into action.
-I guess it pays to have money?
Then it turns out that the pirates really suck at their job, because of their reckless driving and doing nothing productive but play classic games like golf and Ping-Pong...
-Like I care...

Below Deck:
Anyway, Jonah goes below deck to rest for a while, but guess what else this movie tosses our way... a talking caterpillar named Khalil- who sells Jonah merchandise and spends most of his time listening to motivational tapes.

-Now tell me if this is another reference to Aladdin... it is.
Khalil tries to have a conversation with Jonah, but the prophet is still worried about disobeying God and wants to sleep it off.


Dream Sequence:
Jonah is running away from God, but he ends up drowning.
Jonah: "I can't hear you. La, la, la, la, la, la..."
-What, are you five?

Storm Scene:
Jonah is woken up by a storm that's hitting the ship. Pa Grape starts to suspect that someone is causing this storm. So, what do the pirates and Jonah do to find out who's the culprit? Play a game of goldfish.

-Guys, this isn't the show Whodunnit. Just blame this storm on Jonah and throw him off the boat!
After that "epic" game of goldfish, it turns out that Jonah is to blame for the storm.
-Now, what do you think Jonah is thinking right?
A. Somebody fucked with the cards?
B. I really picked a bad day to wear this turban.
C. Uh... can we play for best out of 3?
(My money's on Choice A.)
Jonah finally confesses to his crime against God and wants the pirates to throw him into the sea.

But our comic relief pirates want to use a motor that would take him back home; but the motor goes haywire and lands into the ocean.
So the pirates have no choice but to Jonah walk the plank.

-Yeah, send him into the water wearing a bath hat and a duck float... What a way to send him off with dignity.
So, just like in the original story, the storm dies down as Jonah hits the water. But something big is lurking in the water, so the pirates scramble to save Jonah.

-Look at this! It's ripping off Jaws! (Ha ha.)
Only Larry makes a perfect shot with a lifesaver ring (which is bullshit, because this is like the Ring Toss games at carnivals), but that isn't enough to stop a huge whale from coming to dinner and dragging the ship with him momentarily.

The pirates try attacking the monster with everything they got (literally), but to no avail.

Just a recap: Jonah is a runaway pansy; and Whodunnit logic lands him inside a whale.
-How far are we in this movie now?
45 minutes and 12 seconds (no commercials)
Geez!

Inside the Whale:

Jonah finds himself inside the whale.
-And I gotta say that the visuals of what the insides of a whale looks like are pretty good and thought-out, for the most part.
Khalil finds Jonah his "travelling buddy," but Jonah is too depressed to be in a good mood.
-In this scene, it's obvious that Jonah can't stand being in the same room with Khalil. Yeah, I'd feel the same way too, because we already have enough comic relief characters in this film- we don't need any more!
Jonah expresses his depression so vividly... that he sounds like he's a nervous breakdown.
-Please, don't. You've already attempted conveying emotions a gazillion times in this movie. It's just not working this time. Look, I really want to sympathize with Jonah, but his killjoy attitude is keeping me from doing so.

Sorry.
Just then, a group of angels appear to him, saying that God will give him a second chance if he prays for forgiveness.

This leads to yet another song...
-The song is pretty cool, actually... but half of the visuals in this musical number were just awkward.


The Story Continues...:
The whale eventually spits out Jonah and Khalil, and they begin their journey to Nineveh with the camel Reginald...
-Hi, how did the camel find them?
-By the way, Jonah is now pale?

Okay, who forgot to tell the animators that he was green? Well, he was in the whale for quite some time, but he's outside and it's daytime! Color mistakes were one thing the movie The Thief and the Cobbler did.

Jonah presses on, ignoring ironic welcome signs telling him to turn back, and a yelling person saying, "Turn back! Turn back!"
-(mimicking the yelling person) Turn back while you still can! There's more awkwardness to come!!!

Arriving at Nineveh:
Jonah finally makes it to Nineveh... which looks like an eyesore worthy of Bowser.
-That camel is going slow...
Jonah: "Go in. Give the message. Get out. Go in. Give the message. Get out.:
-Heh, heh. Way to motivate yourself, Jonah... I mean, this prophet so doesn't care that he would rather speed-read his message and then scurry out faster than he came in.
But the guards of Nineveh give him a hard time at the entrance, so Jonah just thinks Game Over and leaves... but not without running into the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything... who can't believe that he's alive after the encounter with the whale. The pirates decide to help Jonah get into the city by having them follow them to their sweepstakes prize, because they say that found a golden ticket, which wins them a tour in a factory...
-Starting to see that this is ripping off Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?
But the gang gets arrested for what crime, you may ask? For stealing free samples!
-(sarcasm) That's a crime worthy of a slap in the face!
And they get slapped with fish to the face.

Arena Scene:

So the gang gets captured, and what is their punishment for their crime? The Slap of No Return!

-As if slapping your kids when they do something bad isn't enough?
-So... the moral of the story is Don't mess with anyone or get slapped(?)
But before the king of Nineveh has the guards proceed with the punishment...
Jonah: "...I was in the belly of a whale!"
...which actually halts the proceedings.
-So Jonah, how many more magic words do you have up your sleeve? 10? 20? 100? 'Cuz first it was the "Money is no object" line that got you a ride to wherever it was you were running away from God to, and now it's the "...I was in the belly of a whale" line that's got the people of Nineveh interested in what you have to say.
But what proof does Jonah have to show that he was inside a whale?
-Probably the seaweed that's on his stupid turban... I'd say that's a dead giveaway.
NOPE! One of the guards goes up to Jonah, sniffs his face, and faints from the fishy odor.
-(pause) WTF?! That's your proof?! Are you high? I guess this part of the scene was scotch-taped onto the screenplay just to get a bit of a laugh... FAIL!!!
King Twisty: "He has been in the great fish! We must hear his message!"
-(pause) How did you know Jonah had a message from the Lord? Did you cheat by looking at the movie's screenplay prior to filming?
Jonah: "...The message... What was the message?"
-IDK. The fact that some of this movie blows, seeing a guard sniff your face to see if you were telling the truth about being in a whale for so long?
-Plus, all this time of running away from God... getting a doozy from a whale... and getting arrested in Nineveh... and you forget the message that God wanted you to deliver?! This must be a slow week for Jonah...

-Lastly, I have to point this out: this scene is highly disrespectful to the original story, because in the original, Jonah didn't get arrested, but only got recognized by his prophet occupation. The arrest/execution scene was just extra, for the sake of having more subplots and more storyline... and that's also an excuse to dump in more characters not needed... and we're in the third act!!
Thus, Jonah delivers his message from the Lord.
-And... I gotta admit: he hit this speech right on the nail. He gets to the point and doesn't bullshit to his audience, not even once! Trust me; if the rest of the speeches and dialogues were this sincere and perfect like this one, I wouldn't be doing this review.
So the city chooses to repent, and King Twisty lets Jonah and his friends go. As Jonah leaves the city, people praise him for his message. However, Jonah isn't cheerful as everyone else.

Outside Nineveh:
Just like in the original story...
Jonah sits and waits for Nineveh's demise. A plant grows and then dies on Jonah when he takes shelter under it. And Jonah is frustrated.
Khalil tries to reason with him, but Jonah isn't in the mood...

-See what I mean with the killjoy attitude that Jonah has?! Lighten up!!
So the caterpillar and camel piss off, leaving Jonah by himself in his misery.

Final Restaurant Scene:
Pa Grape ends the story, but the audience question why the story of Jonah had to end that way.
Then out of nowhere, the singer Twippo (who's also Archibald Asparagus) shows up and offers the gang a ride to his concert. Laura still seems disappointed, because she lost her ticket.
-Well, good. Maybe she can learn her lesson that bragging isn't going to get her anywhere, OR...
Junior finally has the nerve to give Laura his own ticket as an act of compassion and mercy. Twippo sees this act and says that he'll have backstage passes for the whole gang.

-Uh... I guess compassion and mercy really are rewarding. (Hooray!)
Then we get our last musical number...
-A stage in the restaurant? Visuals? Props? Where did all of that come from?
-The song explains how Jonah didn't get how compassion and mercy worked, but his story is a chance for the audience to know what compassion and mercy are, and how to learn from Jonah's disobedience. (Fair enough.)
So the movie ends with Khalil making one last cameo...
-All this time Khalil was the tow truck guy that Bob was waiting for?

And that was Jonah: A Veggietales Movie. I can see why people liked it and disliked it.
Let's start with the bad stuff first:
Some of the writing seemed out of place or not needed. Plus, whenever it tries to produce written humor, sometimes it works to the movie's advantage, but then at other times they just backfire.
Second, I almost wanted to see Archibald Asparagus casted as the main character. I found myself questioning this casting choice every once in a while, because I know that main characters have to be at least 2-dimensional in order to convey the right emotions that would appeal to the audience. There was no comic side of this Jonah; it's just drama all the way, that you find it hard to sympathize with this guy.
Third, the movie may have followed the majority of the original story of Jonah, but some of the movie added extra stuff to the mix, just because they wanted subplots in their movie. If you want to add subplots to an adaptation, fine. But make them count!
Fourth, the references to pop culture are so noticeable that they become distractions to the actual story.
Fifth, some of the song were forgettable, with only a few memorable like the "Second Chances" song.
And last, but definitely not least, there are so many awkward moments that were either tolerable or just backfired.
Now, for the good things about this movie:
The animation was really good; in fact, the colors were cool to look at. This was a major improvement in Veggietales animation, which is a good sign.
Second, this was a risky adaptation, but most of it followed the original story, which was pretty impressive.
Overall, I felt indifferent about this movie. I know that the movie has its problems, but it was still enjoyable. I like watching this movie, but I don't think it's perfect.
And to be honest, I found out that I'm part of a majority with this indifference. In fact, this movie actually did better than its sequel. I was blown away to find out that all the critics couldn't come up with an exact consensus for this movie, because the majority of audiences liked it.


So, there's only speculation on what everyone as a whole thinks about it.

So people both liked and disliked, leading to indifference.

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year! (Just thought I point that out.)

Amateur Critic
Sources:
Jonah: A Veggietales Movie
Good New Bible, Good News Translation (GNT)
RottenTomatoes.com

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