Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.
As a kid, I would always come across educational videos. However, there was one educational video that I was fortunate enough to pass up:
Chip 'N' Dale rescue Rangers Fire Safety Adventure.
Yeah, I made the mistake of taking a trip down Memory Lane to try and relive the
Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers show, and little did I know that I would come across this excuse of an educational video. It's weird; it's sloppy... I recently saw this video for the first time, and boy was it something that I just had to review.
So here it is: the educational video-
Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers Fire Safety Adventure.
Title Sequence:
So telling by the title sequence, you'd think this video would be worth watching...
Opening Scene:
Here, we see our first problem...
-Are we in Disneyworld? Or are these the missing characters from Disneyworld?
-I'm not sure what the budget was for this video, but this seems shitty-looking!
Anyway, Chip and Dale are having a barbecue. But Chip just can't shake off the paranoia that their arch-nemesis Fat Cat is up to no good again.
And sure enough, the two spot Fat Cat at a fire station...
up to no good again.
-Again, see how shitty-looking this seems?
So our heroes race to the rescue to stop Fat Cat.
-See how they run? They make Barney the Dinosaur's activeness seem more athletic than they are!
At Fire Station:
We then cut to our main villain Fat Cat... who now looks like a mix between Quasimodo (from
The Hunchback of Notre Dame) and Tai Lung (from
Kung Fu Panda) since the show.
Fat Cat: "Booby-trapping a fire station, mixed with a dash of shrimp caviar!"
-(mimicking Fat Cat, if he was Ratigan from
The Great Mouse Detective) Look, Basil of Baker Street! I've transformed myself into an obnoxious fat cat who thinks he's a mobster!
Fat Cat: "No one will be able to uncover my fiendish plan!"
-And your plan is...?
But Fat Cat sees that our heroes are on their way to stop him, so he tries to sneak away as soon as they arrive...
-Look at that! Fat Cat's not even trying to sneak away! I mean look!
He's right behind them, and they can turn around anytime!
Inside the Building:
So Chip and Dale find a firefighter named Phyllis tied up in a closet.
-(sarcasm) Oh! Who could've done such a thing?
Phyllis: "Fat Cat wanted me to turn over the fire station to him; and when I wouldn't, he tied me up, and he said 'I'd be sorry!'"
-Okay, but are the other firefighters okay, or are you here by yourself?
Dale: "But why would he want a fire station?"
-That's a good point. Why
would Fat Cat want a fire station when he can try to steal a palace or something? Was
that how low this villain got, was resorting to terrorizing public facilities? What's next? Is he gonna go to a nursing home and mock the elders that are handicapped?
Downstairs...:
We see Fat Cat handling a box of matches.
Fat Cat: "I'll show them that they're no
match for Fat Cat!"
-Heh heh... what?
-Yeah, you'll may notice too that whatever Fat Cat says ends with a pun- most of them are pointless. You'll hear more later on.
Anyway, Fat Cat dumps the matches on the floor and sneaks away before our heroes and Phyllis arrive back at the scene.
-Okay, stop. You killed the video! Actors in character suits on a pole! We don't need any furries in something that's supposed to be innocent and educational!
Well, screw it: our heroes see the matches on the floor. Phyllis tells our heroes about matches.
Phyllis: "Matches? That's a dangerous thing to do! You know, one of the first rules of fire safety is to keep matches and lighters in a safe place."
-Fair enough.
Chip: "Fat Cat must have done this! I bet he set traps for us everywhere!"
-Well, no shit! You were paranoid about Fat Cat earlier!
Then Phyllis talks to them about how to stop, drop, and roll whenever their clothes get caught on fire.
Phyllis: "Why don't you try it?"
-Please don't encourage them...
Dale: "Sure!"
-And how do Chip and Dale (as live-action characters) do the stop, drop, and roll?
Chip and Dale (in unison): "Stop! Drop! And roll!"
Yeah, they killed the video in that part too.
Suddenly, the smoke detector goes off, indicating that it's low on battery.
Phyllis: "That's funny! I just put in a new battery yesterday!"
-Telling by her voice, I'm sure that lady isn't at all invested by all of this...
In Another Room...:
So our heroes find that the smoke detector does need a new battery, seeing that it was replaced by an old battery.
Chip and Dale (in unison): "FAT CAT!"
-(sarcasm) Yeah! Whenever something technical goes bad, blame Fat Cat.
-Now, I'd like to take a moment to look at the video's quality. I mean, what is this? It's like something that would come out of Disneyworld, but then at other times it would look like something that would come out of Barney the Dinosaur. And to be honest: there's no reason to make this special live-action! Yeah, when you watch it all the way through, it's so obvious that it was meant to be animated vs. filming it in live-action! In the original show, it was all animation, which was really impressive. Here, it's like Disneyworld invading the real world!
Meanwhile, in another room...:
Fat Cat finds an iron to mess around with.
Fat Cat: "Now I can
iron out my plan!"
Fat Cat: "This ought to really im-
press them!"
-Okay, enough with the puns.
And just as Phyllis is talking to our heroes about smoke detectors, a smoke detector goes off, because of the iron.
Chip: "It must be another one of Fat Cat's tricks!"
-Blame Fat Cat for anything, not don't ya!
So they unplug the iron and... TALK ABOUT IT, OF COURSE!
Phyllis: "This one could've started a bad fire!"
-How much you wanna bet that this lady is not at all invested in this video?
-And have you noticed that no other firefighter is there with Phyllis? What, was the rest of the team and the captain away from work that day? That's really bad if you work at a fire station with no one else to make sure that homicidal creeps like Fat Cat don't try to take over the place, or... God forbid- booby-trap the place with fire hazards!
We then get a weird segway where Dale has a flashback or something about escaping a fire, as Phyllis talks about how to safely escape a fire, as well as reminding the audience never to hide during a fire.
-Can we hide from this video instead?
Chip: "Wasn't that laundry cart over there?"
Dale: "I thought I just saw it there!"
-Okay, now we're talking about a laundry cart, even though it has nothing to do with fire safety.
Somewhere in the building...:
Well, I guess the plot is back, as Fat Cat sneaks into the lounge to cause more mischief.
Back in the Garage:
Meanwhile, our heroes confirm that Fat Cat used the cart to do things behind their backs...
-...Y'all should've seen that coming.
Then Dale believes (for some reason) that Fat Cat is in disguise inside one of the firefighter suits.
But Phyllis shows them how the fire suits work by putting one on in front of them.
Kitchen:
Suddenly, our heroes draw their attention to the kitchen where stuff is boiling on the stove and the oven is turned on. Phyllis turns everything off to stop the fire hazard.
Phyllis: "Fat Cat sure knows a lot about fire safety rules. He keeps breaking them!"
-Well, no shit! He's the bad guy!
Chip: "Be careful, Dale! The kitchen can be a dangerous place!"
-Why?
Because of Fat Cat?
As Phyllis tells our heroes how to cure a burn, guess who sneaks out of the room...
-Yeah. And our heroes missed him again. Now, if you think that LarryBoy not spotting the Fib monster in the first two times that he had during his search was ridiculous, well...
there's a new winner for not paying any attention in spotting the villain-
it's this video!
Back in the Garage:
Our heroes race towards a siren going off, but then they come across the fire station's house plan pinned to the bulletin board where they finally unveil Fat Cat's diabolical plan: stealing from a bank that's next door to the fire station.
-So that was your grand plan all along, Fat Cat? This was your magnum opus: to steal from a bank that was right next store to public servants? That was how low he got, people.
The word is that caviar was deposited into that bank, so that's why Fat Cat wants to steal from there.
-Aren't there other banks that do that? I don't know; that's just unheard of.
Meanwhile, Fat Cat steals a set of keys so that he can start the fire engine to make off to the bank to carry out his robbery scheme.
Meanwhile, our heroes tell us what E.D.I.T.H on the house plan stands for...
Chip: "E.D.I.T.H. stands for 'Exit Drills In The Home'..."
-Fair enough.
Dale: "Yeah, that E.D.I.T.H!"
-Okay, stop calling a girl's name.
So Phyllis shows Chip and Dale the real house plan, as Fat Cat prepares to steal the fire engine to go to the bank.
But the only problem is...
Phyllis: "Hey Fat Cat! Looking for these? You got the wrong keys!"
-Hey, a smart moment. Could've used one earlier!
Seeing that he's been foiled, Fat Cat tries to escape, but Chip and Dale throw the fire hose at him and tie him up.
-Such so that we see Fat Cat's sock, or is it his performer's?
Fat Cat tries to smooth-talk his way out of getting arrested.
Fat Cat: "Can't you take a joke? I was just kidding... Won't you consider letting me go?"
-(sarcasm) This was Ratigan, everyone! Disney creators used to give a damn about giving legit characterization to their heroes and villains!
Chip: "Sorry, Fat Cat! The only place you're going is jail!"
So you'd think Fat Cat would go to jail, right? No! He gives our heroes the slip by...
Fat Cat: "Look out! The fire engine is rolling away!"
-Oh, of course! The old "made-you-look" trick! I almost forgot!
Sure enough, Chip and Dale run to the truck, and guess who escapes:
Fat Cat: "You fools!"
-You're not even running. You're just jogging or speed-walking. It's like evading a robbery by slowly moonwalking your way out of the store. LAME!
Despite the setback- the fact that Fat Cat escaped and may possibly continue to plot more schemes-
Chip and Dale thank Phyllis for teaching them about fire safety, which means they can return home to their barbecue.
-By the way, see that car that goes by as soon as Chip and Dale leave?
That's probably somebody trying to escape this video, so Chip and Dale are chasing after it. They're like:
Damn you, film crew, for trying to escape us!
Ending scene:
So the video ends with our heroes watching for their girlfriend Gadget to arrive.
-Oh yeah! Where were the other Rescue Rangers: Gadget, Monterrey Jack, and Zipper? Well, my guess is that they read the script for this video and said, "Fuck this video! Get someone else for our parts or count us out!"
And that's
Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers Fire Safety Adventure. Folks, I may not have been a huge fan of the show, but this special holds no candle to it.
To be fair, the educational part was decent, because it was well demonstrated so that the audience would know what to do when they come across fire hazards in real life. But this special's plot feels forced and unpleasant, because of the choice of using live-action instead of animation. I feel like I'm in Disneyworld's neglected set-ups, instead of in a fire station learning something. It just feels out of place. And on top of that, it was just foamed in to make it seem like a legit educational video.
Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers Fire Safety Adventure
LarryBoy and the Fib from Outer Space (that one pic)
Courtesy:
Disney Educational Productions/Gary R.Moore & Associates, & Magic Window Productions, Inc., and
Big Idea Entertainment.
Also thank you
Nintendo 3DS for the graffiti option when noting some of these clips.
