"Divergent" Book Review

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

I've just finished reading Veronica Roth's novel Divergent, which had spawned a movie, which I'm not sure how many people saw it. Anyway, what do I think about the book? Well, for those of you that haven't read the book or saw the movie, I'll give you the premise.

The story centers around a 16-year-old named Beatrice Prior, who has to take a test to see which "faction" or section she belongs in. She turns out to be Divergent, which is not good, because that would spawn a rebellion in a post-apocalyptic utopia that Earth is trying to do. So she chooses a faction (I'm not telling you which one, because one, it's friggin' obvious what she chooses because of the movie and its promotions; and two, I don't want to spoil it for those of you who didn't read the book), and she makes friends and enemies during the initiation process. Sooner or later she realizes what her purpose is and causes her to rebel against this wannabe utopia of theirs.

And that's all I'm saying about the premise.

So, what do I think of the book? Well, it's not as great as I had expected it to be. 

When I read this book, I was expecting more action and adventure. I mean, I was whisked into reading this, because of the promise of adventure. And that promise came from its tagline: One choice can transform you. But no. This had to be about people judging and people degrading each other. I'm sorry, but if this was supposed to be an action-packed story, then I expect to see some actions.

As for the socializing in this story, it's horrendous. I mean, boys fighting girls and beating them up? That's just wrong. People sexually harassing the main character? That's just evil.

At first, I was reading this book, so that I can see the movie. But as of now, I'm gonna shy away from the movie, because the story itself, I don't think, is film-worthy. I mean, who wants to see sadists be sadists, and then wait for the real action to begin?

As for the movie, it got mixed reviews. 

Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 41% rating, despite 77% of the audience liking it. The overall consensus for this movie was that "With an adherence to YA formula that undercuts its individualistic message, Divergent opens its planned trilogy in disappointingly predictable fashion." So, they're saying that this movie was trying to be the next Hunger Games string of movies, but missed the mark somewhere. Either way, this didn't hurt ticket sales, because this movie was promoted widely, from books to other merchandising. 

So, what am I to do, since I bought a copy of this book to try and get into this movie trend? I'll probably sell it. If you like the series and movie, good for you. But don't expect me to buy into this trend, because trends come and go.

Now, before I end this review, it's time for your next clue for my first Mystery Review. Here is your second clue:

It's an adventure. What kind of adventure? You'll find out.

Again, the second clue is that it's an adventure.

Stay tuned for the Mystery Review and for more reviews!

Whatsoever Critic

Sources:

Divergent (both book and movie)

Rotten Tomatoes

Courtesy: Katherine Tegen Books, Summit Entertainment/Lionsgate, and Rotten Tomatoes.

"An Easter Carol" Veggietales DVD Review

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

Today we're gonna look at an Easter special. And yeah, I know that Easter was more than a week and a half ago, but I didn't think of reviewing an Easter special until just now. 

For all the Christmas specials that are out there during Christmas time, there are only a distinct few Easter specials. But are any of them well-known? There has to be a well-known Easter special, right? Today's movie is an Easter special... but sadly, its lead character is the antagonist-playing schmuck himself: Mr. Nezzer. Yeah! Go figure!

It's obvious that this special is the Easter equivalent to Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. But unlike Ebenezer Scrooge, this movie has Mr. Nezzer drooling over Easter eggs; him being visited by Rebecca St. James playing a music box angel that has little to no personality, except being the morality figure; and him having a brush with death. Speaking of death, if you thought that the original Dickens story was dark, check out this DVD; death gets a free pass in a Veggietales special! 

There's a lot of heavy material and a lot of quirkiness in the mix. This is An Easter Carol.

Opening Scene:

So the special opens with our main character Mr. Nezzer visiting his grandmother's grave site.

-Like I said before, there's a lot of references of death in this movie.

-In this opening, you can definitely tell that the grandmother is dead, just by looking at Nezzer's expression on his face. I guess the writers wanted to make him convey actual emotion this time around, since in most viewings in his movies, he doesn't seem to care; and if he does, then it would be either rare or at the last few minutes of the movie.
After the title card literally flurries on screen, we see that Mr. Nezzer (in most of his performances) doesn't give a shit about the people around him singing the opening song about spring arriving, as well as Easter being tomorrow. 

He comes across Laura Carrot...

-...who's trying her damnest to sound British...

Laura: "[inaudible] for a lily, gov'na?"

...from an orphanage selling white lilies, and (gasp) he's an asshole towards her, crumbling one lily and making her buy an Easter egg from him.

Nezzer: "Just a moment there, young lady. You forgot to pay for that egg."
-Scrooge himself wouldn't be that big of a jerk.

Church Scene:

We then come across a family that owns a church. We see that they're preparing for Easter by installing a new stain-glass window and putting up the letters on the church sign. And then we see our Tiny Tim in the special named Edmund, played by Junior Asparagus.

-Yeah, Junior plays yet another cutesy role. This show finds this kid really beloved to see and listen to...

-(sarcasm) Enjoy how this Tiny Tim is exactly like the Tiny Tim in all the other Christmas Carol adaptations...

1. the occasional coughing

2. the pitiful-looking clothes, and

3. the usual... the usual crutch/cane
-Sure, he may take up a quarter of the DVD cover, but Junior plays a major role in this movie. You'll see when we get there.

Anyway, so the kid asks about Mr. Nezzer, and his dad sees this as an opportunity to spew out exposition, rather than tell it like it is...

Edmund: "Is he really the richest man in town?"

Rev.: "Heh, heh. I don't know about that. But his family has owned most of the property around here for generations... Even the land this old church sits on..."
Edmund wonders why Mr. Nezzer doesn't go to church, especially during Easter. Edmund's father, Reverend Gilbert, is willing to find out by visiting the Easter factory that Mr. Nezzer resides in.
-Now, tell me if this factory looks familiar...

Yeah! It's like the factory from Rack, Shack, and Benny (except for the not-needed-narrator George and the unnecessary-propped watertower thingy that Laura Carrot used to plug in her flying delivery truck)!

You'd think Mr. Nezzer would've already did some renovating!

Factory Scene:

So we that Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber are workers at Nezzer's factory, where they oversee Easter eggs and argue about asking Nezzer to give them the day off for Easter.
-In answer to your question, I don't know why Bob and Larry have jobs as factory workers, when they could be having other jobs.
Bob: "We have been working for your uncle for over a year now, paying him back for burning down his theater..."
Oh, now I get it. This is the sequel special of The Star of Christmas, where Bob and Larry had accidentally burned down a theater, which supposedly belonged to Nezzer. So, they're paying their dues by working for him at the factory.
(pause)
To be honest, I'm not all too familiar with that special. So, I'll check back with you on that...
Anyway, Mr. Nezzer finally arrives, and Bob has the nerve to ask him for a day off...
Nezzer: "What? Close up shop?!"
-(pause) That's funny. I thought Nezzer didn't give a shit in this movie...
Anyway, Nezzer explains why they can't close on Easter... because that would break his dead grandmother's heart. And thus, he sings about how his grandmother was great at selling Easter eggs, how she built this factory, and how she died of old age.

Plus, he even explains how his grandma gave him the factory...
-You may notice, through all of this song of exposition, there's a huge similarity between this factory and the one from Rack, Shack, and Benny: they both produce Easter-related products. Yeah, the chocolate bunnies and the Easter eggs. Nezzer must really be obsessed with Easter... not the Biblical side of it (obviously).

And it turns out that Nezzer's grandma gave him the family business while on her death bed, saying her last words being "Easter meets no death"... and of course, Nezzer takes it the wrong way.

Nezzer: (singing) "And I'll keep making Easter eggs, my one and only quest!"

-Oh God, please don't tell that Nezzer is gonna go crazy over eggs. We have Ozzie from Land Before Time 2 for that...
Just then, the reverend arrives and invites Nezzer to Easter mass, in which, of course, Nezzer immediately turns down. And why? Because he reveals that he wants to build a place called Easterland where the church is, but of course, tear the church down before the project can proceed.

-This is obviously slapping the faces of Christians, because... well, it's a church! What did the church do to deserve to be torn down? But we're in at least 10 minutes of the movie; so it's subject to change.

-And plus, whenever I see a crazy person and/or villain reveal his/her diabolical plans...

...well, Dr. Blowhole was more authentic than this!

Bob and Larry refuse to help Nezzer tear down the church; and this, of course, puts Nezzer in a bad mood, causing him to spill out his rage through more song.

-Nezzer: (singing) "...my people bugging me to come to church, and save the orphans, and shut my factory! But early to tomorrow morning, a crew will start at 8 on knocking down that little church and building something great..." 

-Don't people talk anymore? Again, Dr. Blowhole was more authentic than you. Well... his song "Brand New Plan" had some kind of exposition, but at least he has the singing voice of Neil Patrick Harris!

Nezzer even kicks everyone out of the factory, while serving Bob and Larry with "You're fired!" pink slips. But what makes this scene even more unforgettable is when Nezzer takes a remote control and sets his factory machines to work faster.

-You know what? I have a feeling that that move is gonna bite Nezzer in the rear later on in this movie. So, I'm gonna do everyone a favor and have that scene kept for safekeeping.

After That Scene of Rage:
It's revealed that nobody can stop the demolition of the church, because Nezzer owns the property.
-Just like the exposition reverend said...
-You know, there's a solution for all this: it's called court.

Outside the church:

So Scooter and Laura have a scene... and then it ends.

Bedtime:

So Edmund and his father have a scene...

Rev.: "As crazy as it sounds, we have to have hope..."

-Oh, you mean the music box angel that we're supposed to be seeing later on in the movie?

That Night:
Nezzer, inside his office/bedroom, falls asleep, but then gets freaked out when his grandmother pops out of her portrait to talk to him.
(Nezzer faints)
-Yeah, I'd faint if any of my dead family members came back to haunt me from their portraits.

Nezzer: "It's a ghost!"

Grandma Nezzer: "Nonsense! Didn't I teach you there's no such thing as ghosts?"

-(pause) But... you're a ghost.

So after that brush with fear, Nezzer's spirit grandmother tells him that he doesn't understand the true meaning of Easter. But will Grandma tell him what it means?
Grandma: "I'm not going to tell you."
-Wouldn't it be easier if you told him right then and there?

Grandma Nezzer: "What? I'm dead! Cut me some slack!"

-(mimicking Grandma) See Ebby? Just a little dead humor for a kids' movie here? What? You don't get it? This movie has several references to death that we're just joking about it... for some odd reason, perhaps...
But no, she explains that a second visitor will come at midnight sharp. Nezzer wakes up from his dream and is too scared to fall back to sleep.
-Okay, Nezzer. You're trying way too hard on the conveying-emotion stuff. Why can't you be more like Edmund... who's in what, 20% of the movie, but can still convey enough emotion that audiences would feel sorry for him? You'll see when we get there.

Outside the Gate:

Bob and Larry plan on stealing the blueprints for Easterland by breaking into the factory, despite being on probation for stealing the Star of Christmas from... The Star of Christmas.

Bob: "It's bad enough that we've burned down the theater. I'm not gonna let the church come down too!"

-Really? We're still on the story of how the theater burned down... you know, the look-back at this special's previous special? We get it already. Can we come back to what's going on now?

-And for that matter, Bob's dialogue in this movie is notably fast, whether it's spewing out exposition like the reverend or just talking to someone. And sometimes, it's kinda hard to catch what he's saying. His whole speech is always like that; there's never a point where he can just talk at a normal pace, or more importantly, breathe! I mean, how would you like it if someone else in this movie talked really fast the entire show? The special would be a half hour long if they did that!
-So, as you can imagine, in 50% of the movie, Bob and Larry will be doing nothing but try to climb over the wall to get to the factory. Good comic relief, but come on.

Back Inside the Factory:
Nezzer falls back to sleep; and of course, his clockwork egg transforms into... Julia Roberts from Hook.
-God I wish.
Actually, this is (I guess) Tinker Bell's conservative sister Hope, played by Rebecca St. James. Well, how does this fairy wake up Nezzer? (This ought to be rich. Get a load of this...) She bonks him on the head with her wind-up key.

-Talk about a rude awakening. That's the equivalent to somebody blowing an air horn in the ear of someone that's snoozing away in a lecture.
Anyway, Hope takes Nezzer outside his factory and towards the church. On their way there, Nezzer has an excuse for everything on why he doesn't want to go with the fairy. 

Nezzer: "Could you put it in a picture book? Or maybe some slides?"

-Always wanting to take the easy way out. That's one of the good qualities of Mr. Nezzer... just like in most viewings of his movies. I mean, you know that with Scrooge, you kinda feel sorry for the guy? But with Nezzer, he seems lazy as hell.

And, for some reason, he's flying. And... also, for some reason, he manages to keep his hat on.
-Seriously, his has his hat on in... 90% of the movie. And hey, the hat even made it on the DVD poster... Okay, why am I calling out percentages?

Hope: "You're not a miser or Scrooge, or anything like that. You just don't see what's right in front of you."

-Um... if that's the case, then what's the point of trying to get Nezzer to start shaping up and being a better person? That's really bad, if you're trying to get a person to change, or at least listen to what you're saying.

Easter Past:

So Hope takes Nezzer to his Easter Past, where he sees his boy self (who has the hair of Krusty the clown and the likeness of that chubby kid from The Sandlot) sitting with his grandmother at church. Grandma tries getting young Nezzer to listen to the Easter story, but the boy is too busy bitching about the egg that he was given being empty... and too busy selling Easter eggs to the people sitting next to him.
Then Hope shows Nezzer a year later, where his adult self is talking to an inventor (played by Pa Grape) about wanting to making Easter eggs with plastic chickens and make Easter "bigger" by making and selling the eggs.

-Oh God. Don't tell me that this is starting to become an egg fetish thing. Because I've already mentioned an egg addict on this blog (Ozzie from Land Before Time 2: The Great Valley Adventure). Trust me; we don't need any more egg addicts!
Well, despite the inventor's bad feelings about this, he does what Nezzer tells him to do.

Easter Present:
So we then cut to Hope and Nezzer appearing in front of the factory... where Bob and Larry are still trying to climb over that damn wall.

-It's obvious that Bob and Larry can't see Nezzer and Hope, because this is all in Nezzer's head. If you're familiar with the plot in A Christmas Carol, you would understand.

Edmund's House:

So Hope takes Mr. Nezzer to Edmund's house, where the parents and Scooter are discussing what to do about the church going down tomorrow... and giving the reverend more time to spew out exposition about Nezzer's grandma.

Rev.: "Did you know that she paid for all of those beautiful windows herself?"

-Geez, guy! This is supposed to be the Easter equivalent of A Christmas Carol, and all it is explaining, explaining, and even more explaining! Just tell a story!

They all think it's a bad idea that the church is gonna be torn down, and that Nezzer is crazy... well, Scooter thinks he's crazy.

Scooter: "It's that old sour Nezzer's fault! I... I'd like to take that old...!"

-Um... let's keep the review focused, okay?

Anyway, Hope tries to tell Nezzer that "the hope of Easter" is supposed to change everything...

Hope: "They're talking about the hope of Easter! The hope of Easter changes everything."

-Uh, I just finished saying that, but okay.

And just as before, Nezzer is ignorant.

-Now if only there was a touching Oscar-winning performance to somehow show Nezzer that being an asshole isn't the way to go...

(Edmund enters)

Edmund: "Mom? Dad?"

-Oh! Right on cue.

So Edmund tells his parents that Nezzer isn't all bad, but that he needs to see what Easter is really all about.

(Edmund coughs)

-Even Edmund's coughing makes this scene even more powerful. And... I gotta admit. This really hits home for people that are dealing with sick kids right now. Oh, Hope (angel), please show us the way...

Hope: "If nothing changes, this would be his last Easter."

-OMG, even the angel, the supernatural being that Nezzer is supposed to be getting guidance from, thinks that death has a place in this story... That's a lot of pressure to put on a little kid when they're watching this.

So Nezzer is ready to listen to the story of Easter and how it came to be.

Hope's song:

-Now, for this next scene, what do you think the writers were thinking when they wanted to bring Hope's song to life?

(mimicking writers) This song is gonna be so lovely and heart-warming to listen to... so let's put Nezzer in a darkly lit room with shadows casted on the pews and on his face. 

Seriously, why have this scene in a barely-lit room? I know this scene is supposed to be taken seriously, but you're trying way too hard here. And for that matter, I know that Nezzer, overall, can be a jackass at times, but come on! He's not entirely evil.
So Hope puts the Easter story through song and stain-glass visuals, and...

-It's amazing.

-Rebecca St. James is absolutely astounding in this song. Even the song itself is amazing. Now, if the rest of the movie was this passionate, I wouldn't be doing this review. Well... maybe do a review on the silly-gilly stuff that's in this movie, but hey.

-Yeah, but what this movie doesn't tell you about the story of Easter... is the pain and suffering that Jesus went through. But then again, this is Veggietales, not The Passion of the Christ.

Just then, Hope shows Mr. Nezzer the new stain-glass window, which shows Jesus resurrecting, which is the staple of Easter. Nezzer starts to like the true meaning of Easter...

-Wow. He came to his senses already, and this movie has about 15 minutes left. That's got to be a new record for how long it takes for Nezzer to have a change of heart...

...just until a wrecking ball destroys the stain-glass window.

-Yeah. Nothing offsets a beautiful song about Jesus and the importance of Easter than Nezzer's crazy demolition plan from before coming back to bite him in the ass. And there's still more ass-biting to come for this guy.

Easter future:

So Nezzer is now being introduced to Easter future, where people are nasty towards each other, criminals do whatever they want, law enforcement can't law down the law, and... for some reason, people can see him now(?)

Laura: "I've got no home, sir. But bless you."

-Oh yeah, and all the orphans now don't have an orphanage. That's really cruel for an Easter future, don't you think?.

Hope: "Without the hope of Easter, why would anyone risk their life for someone else?"

-Again, that's a lot of pressure to put on kids. I mean, sure, one time is okay, but by pressuring them even more... even when it's about Easter... that's just ungodly harsh.
-And by the way, thank God there's no shitty musical number where the thief that stole that girl's pencils isn't singing "We're des-picable" (refer to Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol)

Nezzer wants to go home, but...

Hope: "We're not finished, I'm afraid."

-Okay, I was liking this angel until now...

-And now, remember when I said that there's a lot of references to death in this movie?

Well! Guess who dies next in this movie!

That's right! Little Edmund is dead, because Nezzer was such a jerk for not caring about him!

-I can't believe that Veggietales would throw at us such heavy material... I mean, it's Veggietales! This is supposed to be G-rated... Well, if Disney can get away with death scenes in all of their movies, then I guess Veggietales has a shot at it... But it was still heavy material, even for a kid!

So Hope returns to her eggshell self, leaving Nezzer to be crushed by the falling debris from the church being demolished.

Morning:

Nezzer wakes up and sees that it isn't too late to stop the demolition. So he hurries off to the church, and... for some reason... walks past his factory operations and doesn't shut off his machinery...

...which is overheating and out of control at this point, seeing how earlier he cranked everything to the max...

-YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING!!!! That's right! I knew this scene from earlier would come back to haunt this movie! Yeah, I've made my way up to that problem! Well, to the movie's credit, I guess the writers wanted to add another subplot to keep the kids quiet a while longer.

Outside Factory:

Meanwhile, Bob and Larry are STILL trying to get into the factory...

-Really? Are we still building up to this joke? I mean, what's next? Nezzer finally opening the gates?

(gate opens and Nezzer says hi)

-(pause) No comment.

So, with the gate left open, Bob hurries into the factory, while Larry watches in horror, as Bob goes directly into danger... without stopping.

-... That was stupid.

Larry: "Oh dear..."

-Uh, no. The real response is: What the fuck?! Turn back, Bob! Don't you know that the building is in smoke and everything?! Turn back!!!
-Remember this scene also.

Church scene:
But before the demolition can take place in the church, Mr. Nezzer finally arrives to make things right with everyone.
-Seems like a legit apology speech. Can't argue with that.
But Larry arrives to warn Nezzer about the factory about to blow up.

And to make matters worse (as pointed out earlier), Bob is still inside the building. So everyone hurries to the factory to save Bob from the ticking time bomb.
-So basically, we get this weird segway from talking about Easter to this urgent rescue that one character decided to stupidly carry out his so-called mission. Where's the logic? I mean, I know you have to fill up your 45 minutes somehow, but an urgent rescue in an Easter special?
(thinking)
Okay, now I'm starting to get it. Remember what Hope mentioned about the hope of Easter from the Easter future scene?
Hope: "Without the hope of Easter, why would anyone risk their life for someone else?"
Now that's a good point. But then again, this rescue is just silly!
-And plus, this really isn't Bob's fault. Blame Nezzer for cranking up his machinery to the max in that earlier scene where he's kicking everyone out of his factory!

Twice that scene is stabbing this movie in the ass!

Factory scene:
-Now, before going even further, I'm just gonna tell you: this is getting more and more cliche. So I'm just going to go through the rest of this movie as fast as I can.
So Mr. Nezzer arrives to save Bob. Bob is defiant at first, but finally realizes that Nezzer is a good guy now... but far too, because they then find themselves trapped inside the dangerous factory.
-Well, no shit!
Meanwhile, outside...
Larry: "All the exits are blocked!"
-Well, no shit!

Anyway, Nezzer and Bob find a way out by performing this BS where they hop into one of the machinery's carts and getting launched out of the building just as the whole place explodes.

-(sarcasm) OMG! Did Michael Bay get involved with this movie? I mean, we got a contender for epic explosions!

Outside the church:
So Nezzer and Bob arrive via machine cart at the front of the church. Everyone arrives. Easter eggs fall from the sky... for some reason.

Nezzer wants to help fix the orphanage and to help Edmund cure his illness.

Then the movie ends with everyone celebrating Easter and Nezzer visiting his grandmother's grave... on a happy note this time.
Nezzer: "I'll see you later."
-(mimicking Nezzer) Yeah, I put a lily on your grave, so that you don't pop out of my portrait of you anymore. Happy Easter!
-Mr. Nezzer, everybody! He can be a jerk at times, but he has a good heart (hopefully). And he could care less that he's now homeless himself, because seeing that his factory is destroyed by his own doing. Yep! That's one factory that gets the ax in this movie, while the church is left unscathed. Well, to be fair, Nezzer had to learn his lesson somehow... just like in most viewings of his movies!!!

So that was An Easter Carol. Well, what can I say?
Well, how about this? This was odd, even for an Easter special. Plus, the Easter special itself seems so forgettable, even to Veggietales. I mean, it's not talked about during Easter... well, maybe every once in a while (if lucky), but I just don't feel that it's really a household name.
Yeah, between all the exposition to remind us why this special was the sequel to The Star of Christmas, the awkward moments, and the WTF-that-was-dumb moments, I can hardly remember what was good about this. Well, the only memorable thing was Hope singing her song about the Easter story.
I know this special wanted to spread the word to kids about the true meaning of Easter and also to get a special out there other than Christmas, but it's not worth the constant exposition-spewing and the over-the-top dramatic moments. I mean, seriously? Death in a Veggietales special? That's not encouraging!
Maybe I'm being a little too harsh on this special. I mean, like Rack, Shack, and Benny, this one took risks, and it had Mr. Nezzer as a good guy this time, which must be a good sign.
Overall, the special was okay. I mean sure... some of the jokes can be weak, and some of the characters aren't really good at problem-solving and/or planning, but part of that is in the plot.

And now, clue #1 for my first Mystery Review. Ready? Here's your first clue:

An egg

Could it be another Easter special? Or could it be something that has to do with an egg? Stay tuned for clue #2!

Whatsoever Critic

Sources:
Veggietales
Penguins of Madagascar (that one pic)

Courtesy of Big Idea Entertainment and DreamWorks Animation.

One More Thing on Mystery Reviews...

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

This is just a reminder on the Mystery Reviews that I had mentioned in the updated "Coming Soon in 2014..." post.
I realized that I may not have been clear about what I was to do if I wanted to announce a Mystery Review coming. So, either at the end of one review, I would give you a clue.
For example: "The next movie that I will review... contains a love triangle." And then a few posts later, there's "Mystery Review #(so-and-so number)." I'll make sure to give you clues, until I finally launch the mystery review. So stay tuned!

Whatsoever Critic