Just when you think that Mr. Nezzer has done enough antagonist roles in Veggietales... (not saying a lot)... he does another one. I mean, stop me if this sounds ridiculous: Mr. Nezzer as a Viking leader wanting to get even with a kind-hearted...
STOP!
(pause)
That didn't take long. Yeah, you're gonna have problems with Mr. Nezzer's bad guy role in Lyle the Kindly Viking.
Imagine a Christopher Nolan flick trying to sneak its way into Monty Python. Well, that's this video. The hero is okay, but the villain is atrocious. We have a comic relief... but to an extent. And, it's another one of Mr. Nezzer's two-dimensional personalities that you get to see over and over and over again in this series.
It's weird; it's kinda vague... This is gonna be interesting to review. So, let's take a look!
Opening Scene:
-Skipping the counter top scene where Archibald Asparagus asks to run the show for a day...
-And also skipping the "Shakespeare's Classic: Omelet" segment...
Our story finally begins when our clichéd narrator Archibald Asparagus reads out of a clichéd... pop-up book from writers Gilbert and Sullivan.
-Okay, the real Gilbert and Sullivan wouldn't make stories with pop-up book editions.
Real Opening Scene:
So Archibald starts off our story of Lyle the Kindly Viking, as he narrates.
One of the Two Women: (singing) "Good morning,..."
-Okay, as the singing women start the story... Oh, that's right! This story is supposed to be a musical. How convenient.
So, as their song puts it, the two women married to Vikings and could care less about what their husbands do whenever they go on their raids to plunder.
-Isn't that like being wives from The Godfather?
So we see the band of Vikings come sailing towards home with their stolen treasures.
-Now, before going any further, tell me if any of these clips seem out of the Viking norm. Let's try this first one:
Mr. Lunt: (singing) "...a pile of loot..."
Didn't catch it here? Let's try another clip...
Jimmy Gourd: (singing) "Some gold and jewels, and a shiny suit..."
Still didn't find it? Let's try one more...
Mr. Nezzer: (singing) "...a giant screen TV..."
They have a TV! Really, guys? Where do big TVs fit in the Viking legend exactly? I don't think Vikings would've had that kind of entertainment back in their day. No...
So the Vikings sing their song, and then... they just stop for some reason.
-Yeah, they just sing one song, and then they move on. That was a drive-by musical number. (There's more to come; believe me...)
Next Scene:
So Archibald finally introduces us to our hero Lyle, played by Junior Asparagus.
-Yeah, Junior's playing yet another cutesy role in this series.
So it turns out that Lyle never goes on any raids with the other Vikings.
Mr. Nezzer: "You missed another raid, Lyle."
-Shut up! Let the kid do what he wants.
-By the way, the Viking leader is named Olaf, played by Mr. Nezzer. You know what? I'm not gonna use his character name, because he's Mr. Nezzer; that's who he always plays!
Anyway, Lyle spends his time doing cutesy stuff like... making potholders and saving some of the loot that the other Vikings would give him, so that he can go somewhere with them.
This gets Mr. Nezzer wondering about Lyle, which leads to another song so forced to contrive that it wouldn't ever be considered a legit Disney villain song.
Mr. Nezzer: (singing) "What's up with Lyle? What's up with Lyle?"
-So, let me get this straight, Nezzer. You go from "The Bunny Song," to a hate-filled song. Kinda sadist, if you ask me. But who cares? You're the bad guy here!
Mr. Nezzer: (singing) "I'm telling you that boy doesn't fit the Viking style..."
-Speaking of style, listen to how this song is being sung. Trust me; either his singing is atrocious, or it's just uncomfortable. At one point, he has a high-pitch tone for a second, because that's what his monotone voice can allow...
Mr. Nezzer: (singing) "He's got me feeling all contempt-y..."
... and then seconds later, he sings a chord so low that he'll sound like a tuba dying...
Mr. Nezzer: (singing) "...and brings it back here empty."
So... after that short villain song (by the way, drive-by musical number 2), we see our comic relief Sven (played by Larry the Cucumber) and Otar (played by Bob the Tomato).
Sven: (singing) "You guys go ahead. We'll catch up!"
Otar: "Sven, you don't have to sing."
Sven: (singing) "But it's a musical!"
-Is it best to tell you that that's gonna be the running gag of this movie? Sven singing at the sorriest times, and Otar telling him to not sing? And trust me; you won't believe what this running gag builds up to!
On Boat:
So, Sven and Otar decide to follow Lyle to see where he's going with the potholders and bag of loot. Eventually, the duo finds out that Lyle is giving away the potholders and loot to a group of monks that just recently got robbed from the Vikings.
So the monks thank Lyle through song, and everything turns out hunky-dory... (drive-by musical number 3)
Back at Viking Village:
...until Lyle returns home, only to be confronted by Sven and Otar.
Sven: (singing) "Not so fast! Don't take another hop!"
-Great, Sven finally found an appropriate time to sing in this veggie-Viking version of West Side Story!
Otar: (singing) "We never say please! And we never give stuff...(pause)... BACK!"
So, seeing that he's being confronted for helping the monks, what's Lyle gonna do to defend himself? Sing, of course!
Lyle: (singing) "When I share, I get a share a friend."
-Blah, blah, blah. Sharing is caring... But hey, at least this song made more sense than the other songs that just come and go. It's like:
Here's a song... Good bye!
Here's another song... Sayanara!
Here's another one... See you later!
But again, it's a musical.
So Sven and Otar decide not to snitch on Lyle for doing good things behind Mr. Nezzer's back. But wait! How are they gonna keep this a secret from Mr. Nezzer?
Sven: (singing) "If Olaf finds out, you'll be in big trouble!"
-Trust me; you'll hear the line "in big trouble" a couple more times in this movie...
On Viking Ship:
So the Vikings decide to raid the monks' place again. But Sven and Otar spot Lyle leaving the place after giving things away to the monks again. To make matters worse, Mr. Nezzer doesn't know about Lyle's whereabouts yet, but is looking through his binoculars.
Otar: "If Olaf sees him, he's in big trouble!"
-That's the second time you hear that line. There's only one more.
Gee! What's a Viking duo to do? Be comic relief!
Otar (singing): "Look, Olaf, there's a fish with a pretty yellow circle at the bottom of the backside of his fin!"
-A fish? With something on his rear? What? This song is sung really fast...
Sven (singing): "Look, Olaf, there's a turtle, and he's wearing pink pajamas, and he's got a cowboy hat upon his lid!"
-Okay, this is why you don't let your four-year-old help you brainstorm in writing a song.
Example:
Boss: So, what do you have for a song?
Songwriter: Well, my son inspired me this past few days...
Boss: Cool. What's it about?
Songwriter: It's about a fish with a yellow dot on its butt, and about a turtle wearing pink PJs and a cowboy hat...
Boss: How is that a song?
Songwriter: Well, the goal of the song is to distract the bad guy in our movie.
Boss: Have you been spending time watching your son draw pictures in kindergarten class again? Didn't you make the teacher and students there uncomfortable last time?
Songwriter: (pause) Man, I need help.
-Yeah, singing and dancing in front of a bad guy is ingenious.
But the comic relief antics do no good, because Mr. Nezzer finally sees Lyle and decides to bust him.
Mr. Nezzer: "That little Viking is in big trouble!"
-(mimicking Mr. Nezzer) Yeah, let's use that line more time!
Rainy Scene:
Just as Lyle is about to go home, he's confronted by Mr. Nezzer. And here, we get the most creepy, violent scene since the furnace scene from Rack, Shack, and Benny.
Mr. Nezzer: (singing) "What do you think you're doing?"
Lyle: "I was..."
Mr. Nezzer: (singing) "Giving them stuff back?"
Lyle: "Well, yeah..."
-(mimicking Mr. Nezzer) Yeah, I'm gonna scare the shit out of this kid by jumping onto his boat, ripping up his sails, and tossing his oars into the ocean! Why?! I'm an asshole, that's why!
So Mr. Nezzer attacks Lyle and leaves him to die in the storm.
-That's one cliché: the villain seeing that death is the only option when dealing with the hero.
-Plus, I could just see Mr. Nezzer scaring all the little children that see this scene.
Anyway, the storm gets worse, and the Viking ship flips over with all the Vikings and Nezzer in it.
-(praying silently) Thank you.
But, to make matters worse, Lyle's boat flips over, sending Lyle into the water. The monks come to Lyle's aid and save him. The other Vikings see this rescue, and they're ashamed of the evil that they've done to the monks.
Then Lyle feels sorry for the Vikings that have clearly mistreated him earlier, so he asks the monks to help them out of the ocean. The monks hesitate at first, but reluctantly proceed in rescuing the Vikings.
-I guess... seeing that Sven and Otar were trying to help Lyle during this time. But what I don't get is, why did the monks save Mr. Nezzer first? I mean, geez! This video had to go that route: the bad guy gets saved first. Geez, you couldn't even keep the bad guy out of the rescue scenes! Why did he deserve to be rescued? He should've been left in the ocean to die... or, at least, rescue him last! He needs to learn his lesson!
After Storm:
So the Vikings show their appreciation of their rescue by singing about it, of course.
-Let them sing. It's a musical... forgot about that?
And then the biggest question of the movie strikes after the song...
Sven: "Does that mean that we can't be Vikings anymore?"
Head Monk: "Not necessarily..."
-(miminking Sven) So, uh, can we continue to steal from you or what? Well, gee, we just finished singing a short song about sharing, but who cares? We got a thirty-minute time slot here. So, we can make up any kind of plot, whatsoever...
Final Ship Scene:
So the Vikings sing a sharing-version of their opening song, and even inviting their wives for the boat ride. And so, the Viking family sets sail toward the sunset.
-Any chance we can end with what the running gag builds up to?
Sven (singing): "I need to go to the bathroom!"
Otar: "Sven, you can stop singing now."
Sven: "Oh..."
Thanks.
Final Counter top scene:
So after the story ends... and Archibald goes berserk, because apparently, all this time he read the wrong book...
-What, were you expecting to read Princess Ida? The Longoliers? (Oh, wait! Archibald's a British guy. Excuse me...) Or Harry Potter?
Anyway, Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber step in, despite Archibald's mental breakdown with his French peas, and tell the audience the moral of sharing, courtesy of Hebrews 13:16.
-Good moral.
End Credits:
As the credits roll, we see that Tim Hodge (former Disney animator) and Marc Vulcano (the guy who wrote and directed "Larry's High Silk Hat") directed this video, and that three people wrote this story.
-You heard right. Three people! I can't imagine how that process worked!
And that was Lyle the Kindly Viking, or as I like to call it, Monty Python... after hours(?)
Well, I'll admit. This wasn't a God-awful video. However, some of it was weak. I guess it's entertainably weak, because yes, there were some good jokes. Yes, there were different cool genres mashed up with the story. And yes, there was a really moral about sharing.
However, did you notice something lacking in Lyle the Kindly Viking? Yeah! Lyle the Kindly Viking! He just comes in, says sweet and innocent lines, and then we cut to either the side characters or more plot. I thought this was supposed to be about a viking that wanted to share. Why not make him a complex character or something?
As for Mr. Nezzer, of all the Veggietales videos (so far), this was where he finally had the balls to actually leave someone for dead. Would that sound good on a movie poster?:
Lyle the Kindly Viking: See why Mr. Nezzer leaves him for dead.
I would demand an explanation!
But overall, this video was okay, despite its weaknesses. Again, it's not a bad movie; it was just a weak video.
Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Veggietales
Courtesy: Big Idea Entertainment
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