You know, I can't help but pay close attention to whenever the bad guy has their own musical number. I mean, what's to look forward to but the bad guy revealing their evil deeds to the hero and/or audience. However, there are some villain songs that either don't impress, just weird, or both. So, today I will give you my Top 10 Worst Villain Songs.
So good luck trying to explain your evil deeds to me, you rap scallions!
6. "The Rumor Weed Song" from LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed
(I'm talking about the version sung by the Rumor Weed herself, not sung by the guys at the end credits.) Might as well put "Can't sing" to the resume, because this weed sounds like she's rapping this song more than singing it. The song would've been a hell of a lot more convincing and threatening if it were sung by Cynthia West, the chick that played the Bad Apple in LarryBoy and the Bad Apple.
-It's like listening to a party girl drunk or drugged off her ass... which is rarely a good sign.
I would give this song credit, though, for explaining its evil deeds, because that's very important when it comes to villain songs. Despite the bad quality it has when it comes to vocal delivery, you can totally understand the lyrics that it's trying to carry out.
5. "Who Needs You" from Land Before Time 4: Journey Through the Mists
This is a duet sung by the main antagonists Dil (alligator) and Ichy (scavenger). These two sing this crazy song about how they don't get along, and they criticize each other the whole skit. What they say in this song is unbelievably obvious: they don't get along with each other- as proven by... in all of the scenes that they're in.
-Why couldn't they just say 5 words: "Who needs you? Piss off."?
Now, you might be thinking why I didn't score this one high. Well, it should've been, because the song missed the signal on explaining the evil deeds part. However, I scored this one pretty low, because it was catchy; it was engaging; and I was surprised to sit through this musical number without closing my eyes in disgust. Plus, it really spoke to me- learn from the bad guys' selfishness and un-cooperation, and do the opposite.
4. "Cedric the Great" from Sofia the First
God, I hate this guy. This villain is basically the pregnancy that Disney should've aborted or should never have to begin with! This guy already seems like a pervert to Princess Sofia.
-Why doesn't he find another hobby?
Anyway, I dreaded this song when I first heard it. He may be explaining his evil deeds with such clarity, but I don't think even that would save this song.
-He's so into himself in this musical number, like he wants to make out with himself, eat himself up, throw himself back up, and then make out with himself again! Yeah! Very disturbing!
Thank God, Cedric didn't sing this song in that Sofia the First special, "The Floating Palace," where he was this sea monster for a day... That would've been a Little Mermaid-Armageddon!
-Seriously, the sea monster part could've looked more convincing. He looked like a testicle-wielding abomination...
3. "Happy Little Land of Hoboken" from "The Hoboken Surprise" (Penguins of Madagascar)
This one was... interesting... By "interesting," I mean "odd." Unbelievably odd. So odd that you be asking yourself after the skit: Why?!
Imagine walking into a party... and seeing a bunch of people that you hate suddenly welcome you with open arms and sing obnoxious songs to you over and over... only for them to succeed in making your life miserable for the rest of your days. That's this song.
I don't know what drug-induced trance that these bad guys were in (or what drug-induced trance that the writers were in), but acting nice towards a group of heroic penguins in the Penguins of Madagascar's version of Batman Arkham... is creepy.
Plus, is it weird to say that during this musical number, all I'm thinking about is why they had to have Savio the snake in on this. I don't know, do you think the writers would find it cute and hilarious to add one of this show's most socially-weird bad guys in this song? Second, why would Lulu, the only good guy in the zoo, end up in a place like Hoboken?
-Maybe she was a spy.
Oh yeah, and guess what the candle on this cake is: this fuckin' crazy-lady zookeeper Frances rapping up the song, and making the penguins nearly hurl from her spinning and (obviously fake) singing voice.
-That's right; if you thought the villains in this musical number were obnoxious singers, Frances is the worst of them all!
2. "We're Despicable (Plunderer's March)" from Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol & "No Batteries" from Rock-A-Doodle
I decided to put these two together, because they shared some similarities. First, I'll evaluate them individually.
The "We're Despicable" song from Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol was... just bad. Not just bad, but mostly odd. We're talking about a group of thieves going to a professional pickpocket to get money by stealing Scrooge's things. This song committed the biggest crime ever: they broke the rule of "Show and Don't Tell."
-I mean, we see them stealing and getting paid for their mischief... but why break into song to emphasize it?!
Now, for the "No Batteries" song from Rock-A-Doodle, this was too short of a song, unless it was followed up by a later song... IDK. Anyway, the song was about how the farm animals are running out of batteries for a flashlight, in order to scare away the owls with its light, because owls don't like being in the light.
However, the song started with the lyric: "Twiddle-le-dee," which was a dead giveaway that that song was going to suck. I mean, what sinister bad guy starts his villain song with the phrase: "Twiddle-le-dee"?
-Doesn't the Grand Duke of Owls have any balls at all in this movie? Or did he drink as a fetus?!
Anyway, both songs shared the following:
a.) the obnoxious laughter
b.) the fact that they were sung by a group of 4 or more
c.) they're hell-bent on doing bad things (obviously)
What more can you say?
1. "The Bunny Song" from Rack, Shack, and Benny (Veggietales)
Some of you may remember that I scored this song the lowest on my Top 12 Villain Songs list. And of course, I said that this song was controversial.
This song was about how Mr. Nezzer wanted his employees to bow to a giant bunny and sing this song to show their "appreciation" towards the bunny.
Now, where do I start with this one?
First of all, of all the Veggietales song, this one was the most controversial. In an interview on the DVD in the bonus features, Veggietales creator Phil Vischer said that the original lyrics: "I don't love my mom or my dad" "I won't go to church, and I won't go to school..." stirred up some controversy. Parents wrote the studio saying that their kids are singing the lyrics, which was a really bad sign. So, the writers had to revise and edit the song, and make new copies of the videos and DVD with the "revised" version; however, the only downside to this, is that some of consumers have the video with the original song. Episodes later, the show decided to make a sing-along compilation; they even added this song, except they had to revise and edit it again, making it the "new and improved" Bunny Song... with the exception of the lady asparagus back-singers still singing some of the old lyrics, in which Mr. Nezzer tries to stop them from singing the old lyrics...
-Does that make any sense at all?
Second of all, I put this song on top of the list, because it didn't seem like a legit villain song, because the main antagonist Mr. Nezzer ends up learning his lesson in the end.
-Don't believe me? Check out the Biblical story that Rack, Shack, and Benny was based on.
So, okay, Nezzer. Here's your appreciation. Now do us a favor: try not to be the bad guy in anymore of the Veggietales videos...
And that was my Top 6 Worst Villain Songs. I hoped you had fun!
Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Veggietales
Land Before Time 4: Journey Through the Mists
Sofia the First
Penguins of Madagascar
Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol
Rock-A-Doodle
All rights go to Big Idea Entertainment, Universal Studios Home Video, Disney, DreamWorks Animation, Rankin/Bass, and Don Bluth.
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