Wednesday, December 31, 2014

"Winnie the Pooh's School Bus Safety Adventure" Video Review

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

And yes... this is another review on an educational video. This is Winnie the Pooh's School Bus Safety Adventure (as entitled on Youtube).
Can you really blame Disney for issuing educational videos like vaccines? Well, I don't think that this is the worst educational video, but its still got its kinks.
So let's dive in!

Opening Scene:

(opening the storybook)
-Pass the storybook cliche already...
-Wait! The book is called "Pooh's Great School Bus Adventure"? Okay then.
Narrator: "One beautiful day, as Winnie the Pooh and Piglet were exploring the Hundred Acre Wood..."
-Again? Live-action? Well, if they did it in the "Too Smart for Strangers" video, then they supposedly had to do it here too.
-Wait. Did this video come out before or after "Too Smart for Strangers"?
So the story begins with Pooh and Piglet discovering a brown lunch bag...
Narrator: "... with the words 'Don't peek' written on it."

-I was about to say that, but thanks.
Pooh: "What do you suppose this is, Piglet?"
-(as if to answer) I don't know, but whatever it is, it's a secret. What do you think "Don't peek" means?

The two assume that Christopher Robin forgot his lunch bag, and they round up the rest of their friends to ride a bus to school...
Narrator: "... The problem was, neither if them have ever ridden a school bus before, although they had always dreamed about it."
-It's funny that this video has a narrator, and the "Too Smart for Strangers" video didn't. Then again, this video is staying true to the traditional Winnie-the-Pooh storytelling.
-And no, Christopher Robin isn't appearing in this video. (Audience going "Aw man!")

Next scene:

The friends meet up at a... invisible bus stop(?)...

-...along with something blocking the camera lens momentarily...


...as all see the bus coming.

-Is it me, or is that a Muppet character that Jim Henson forgot all about for some reason?
Tigger: "Right-ie roo! I'll be like Pooh, and think safety too!"

-(mimicking Tigger) Yeah, be like Pooh! I can grow a belly, wear red shirts, and carry a pot of honey all the time... (pause)

Well, I don't know about the belly part...
So the first thing that the gang learns is to step away from the curb.
-How do they do that?
Pooh: "...when you see the bus coming, you should line up two big steps back from the curb."

(they back up "two big steps")
Piglet: "I feel a lot safer back here."

-What, between two people, with one's rear to your face? Just saying...
-This would've been an innuendo, but I won't dwell on it much longer.
Just then, Eeyore arrives, and his friends tell him that he's late.

-Well, better late than never, right? Um...
Eeyore: "...what's wrong with being a little late? I've made it just in time, didn't I?"
-(mimicking Eeyore) Well, I had to smoke a few joints before getting here. You can tell just by the sound of my voice.
Rabbit: "Well, if you're late, you might worry that you're going to miss the bus. And then, you might run across the street without looking, and then you might trip and fall."
-Yeah, and/or you might choose to cut school today. I mean, doesn't this video teach about truancy too? Because in the world we live in now, our high schoolers are notorious for this.
So, seeing that everyone is present, they all start singing a song about bus safety... and sounds generic, as if it came out of an episode of Sesame Street.
Pooh (singing): "Whenever you ride the bus, whenever you go to school or whatever you do..."

-I just find it amazing that while the characters are singing, the bus driver is just patiently waiting for them to get on the bus. Shouldn't he be saying: "Get your furry asses in here already! You think you're the only people that I have to pick up today? By the way, your depressy donkey friend can't smoke pot in here..."
(Okay, maybe I went too far on that last part...)

On the bus:
Now that the gang is finally on the bus, the bus gets going to Christopher Robin's school.
Narrator: "Soon, Winnie the Pooh and his friends were all on their way to Christopher Robin's school..."
- I just said that!

-By the way, the green-screen effects in this video are awkward, which makes me appreciate the effects in Barney's Imagination Island more.

Okay, even though this was filmed somewhere in the 80s, at least put some more effort into it!
Pooh: "Piglet, did you see this feather that I found?"

-(mimicking Pooh): Yeah, and let me stick my hand towards the window, so that invisible string can yank it out of the bus to make the effect that the feather flew out of my grasp.
But that's okay, because we learn more bus safety (through that same song) like:

1. Don't stick your head or hands out the windows.

2. Don't eat or drink on the bus.

3. Be nice to other passengers.

4. Don't throw things inside the bus.

5. No shouting, or it'll distract the driver.
-How much you want to bet that many people, especially middle-school and high-school students, don't take these rules seriously in today's day and age? Nobody did, when I was in high school.

-By the way, hi, lazy green-screen effect of the bus driving by.

Later on, on the bus:

During the ride, Pooh drops the lunch bag, and the contents spill out: a toy school bus with a note from Christopher Robin saying that he made the toy for Pooh and his friends.
Tigger: "A sandwich... with wheels?"

-Uh, don't you mean Meals-On-Wheels?
So it turns out that the gift was made, because Christopher Robin knew that they've always wanted to ride the bus.
Piglet: "Christopher Robin will be surprised when he finds out that we really did ride the school bus!"
Tigger: "And we rode it safely too! He'll be awfully proud!"
-Or... he'll be awfully concerned when he turns on the news later on and hears about a group of furries riding a bus to school. Then again, this is a fictional world that they live in. So, authorities would totally give them a pass.

Stopping at School:
Once they arrive at school...
-The school isn't shown in this video.
...the gang is confronted with a new problem:
Rabbit: "...now we don't need to go to school."
-Oh great! Y'all wasted the bus driver's time and gas! Thanks, guy.
Piglet: "How will we get back home?"
-Well, your guess is as good as mine.

Pooh: "I don't think we'll be able to ride this back home." (holding up the toy bus)
-Imagination: Because reality should come... NEVER!
-Plus, I'm almost tempted to see those characters try to ride their toy bus home. But no. It's already complicate enough seeing people in animal suits trying to act out this video.
Eeyore: "I should've known something like this would happen."

-(mimicking Eeyore) Oh, I'm sorry. I still sound too high to understand our situation.
Bus Driver: "I'm going back near the wood to pick up some other passengers. I'll be glad to take you."

-Look at his mouth move. It's like a sock puppet jacked up on caffeine or something. Just replace his speech with nothing but "Ne ne ne ne ne..."
-Plus, when he said that line just now, all I was focusing on was his eyes. His eyes don't blink like the other characters. He doesn't blink at all in this video! I don't know; he just seems soulless the whole video, except that he talks. (pause) Can we just call him Dead Eyes (for comedic purposes), since this guy has no name?
So the bus driver Dead Eyes...
-(pause) Not catching on? Oh well...
So the bus driver agrees to take our characters home.
-Yeah, enjoy your free bus ride home... while the rest of us pay for public transportation.
Eeyore: "Hooray..."

-That sounded as if the voice actor was yawning while he said that one word. Just saying...

Back at the Wood:

After more lazy green-screen effects on the bus, the friends finally make it back home, where they learn how to exit the bus properly:

1. The person sitting towards the front exits first
2. No pushing on the way out
3. Hold onto the rail as you step off the bus
Narrator: "And even Tigger used the hand rail on his way out."

-Okay, so? That was so random.

Off the Bus:
So... what should our characters do now, now that Dead Eyes got them here?
-I'm sorry. I can't help but call this bus driver Dead Eyes.
Seeing that they need to cross the street now, Owl offers some advice... by telling a random family story:

Owl: "You know, my cousins Owlbert and Owline rode a school bus..."

-Just cut to the chase already, will ya! Even the video itself is completely annoyed by this.
Owl: "You have to remember to cross safely, step back from the bus door and bus wheel. Then walk forward eight steps ahead of the bus."

-Is it weird to say that while they're following this step, all I'm thinking about is that they look like they're dry-humping each other.
But the depressy donkey schmuck himself (Eeyore)... for some reason... is found behind the bus, and is told that that wasn't safe, which leads to another rule:

make sure the bus driver sees you as you cross the street...

-That is, if he wasn't Dead Eyes... Okay, okay! I won't call him that anymore!
Eeyore: "See? You noticed me again."
-Put a sock in it! This ain't the time and place or movie to be that reckless!

Crossing the Street:

The gang gets ready to cross the street... which leads to another song (more of a continuation of the first song).

Piglet (singing): "Walk to the edge of the bumper of the bus..."
-Man, shut up and cross the street already!

45 seconds later... (Yeah! I timed!)

As they finally cross the street, Rabbit panics.
Rabbit: "Oh my gosh! I dropped my carrot! I'd better go back for it!"

-First of all, how did Rabbit drop his carrot to begin with? We never saw that.
-Second, he's a rabbit. Doesn't he have a bunch of other carrots at home?
The gang reminds Rabbit to never run into the street to chase something that he dropped.

End Scene:

So, after the bus driver gets going, Pooh finds himself sad.
Pooh: "Oh bother! Now our great school bus adventure is over!"
-Really? That's what you're upset about, because y'all's bus ride is over? Well, there's always tomorrow or next year, no?
-By the way, I'm still surprised that the bus driver never questioned giving a ride to a bunch of talking animals. But again, this is a work of fiction.
But his friends remind him that they were privileged to have that bus ride and to learn about bus safety. They also enjoyed the toy bus that Christopher Robin made for them.
-It's the thought that counts, right?
Pooh: "In fact, we may be on our way to another adventure right now!"
-(mimicking Pooh): But oh! We're out of time, kids! Hoped you learned something about bus safety today! We now leave you by singing, and jogging away as if we're training for football or something.

-Yeah, no kidding! Look at how they run in that ending scene! You can easily shout out: "Run, Forrest, run!"... or in this case, "Run, Furries, run!"

So that was the Winnie the Pooh's School Bus Safety Adventure video. What are my thoughts on the video?
It's not a bad educational video. I mean, the effects can be cheesy at times. The songs are just as cheesy.
However, I'm just worried that the video's information feels outdated, because who do you think follows most of the rules that this video mentioned? I mean, many people these days take these rules for granted. So, technically, it's not really this video's fault.
Well, despite this video's choices of presenting itself, it would still need more work. It may be a video, but it just feels weird.

Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Pooh's Great School Bus Adventure
Barney's Imagination Island
Nintendo DSi (for some of the visuals)

Courtesy: Disney Educational; HIT Entertainment; and Nintendo.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

"Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" Book Review

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

This past fall semester at school, my class was looking into literature that took place in the 1920s. One of the books we came across was Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

Unlike some of the other books that I have reviewed on this blog, this book was made into a movie. Yep, the book was published in 1925, and then, in 1953, made it into a movie starring Marilyn Monroe. So what's it about?
Wait until you hear this: this is a story that's in the point of view of a self-admitted gold-digger woman named Lorelei. In her story, she describes her times of doing men wrong whenever she gets into relationships with them, only for her to have them spend money or give things to her. She keeps taking advantage of people throughout the entire story until she finally finds her place in life.
-No spoilers, I guess.

Now that you have a premise, what do I think? Well, it's not bad; I just hate its morals.

I really hate gold-digger people. I think they're selfish, and they don't care about anyone but themselves. And when I learned that this book was supposed to be humorous, I was shocked. I mean, who would want to laugh at a person taking advantage of another person, especially when it comes to their money?
-It's like saying: "Ha! Ha! She made that guy spend money on her! And the funniest is... she leaves him to pursue more wealthy men! Who cares, right? Ha! Ha!" It just won't seem right.
Another problem I had with this book is that the main character Lorelei doesn't learn much of anything. What does she learn at the end?
-(pause) Okay, only one spoiler...
When she gets married (not saying who), she's still taking advantage of people. You'd think she would give up her feeding-on-people ways as soon as she settles down with a man. But no, she continues to make him her "money" slave.
-It's also like skipping the "What Have We Learned Today..." segment in Veggietales completely. (Oh wait! They already did that in that Netflix series Veggietales In The House!)

However, if there's one thing I liked about this book was its consistency. The main character's narration (in diary entries) is witty and smart-ass-like.
-I guess that's where the comedy comes from? (I had to read the book more than once to get that.)
Plus, I can understand where Lorelei is coming from. I mean, the story was set in the 1920s, a time when materialism was the highlight of the period. People buying, spending, and partying like crazy... and among the chaos are women coming out in flashy apparel and bobbed hair to look and impress, especially seduce. And that's the thing about gold-diggers: they seduce.

Overall, the book was an easy-read, but don't expect anything rewarding at the end.
-Only the main character gets rewarded (Another spoiler, I think...).

Whatsoever Critic
Source: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Courtesy: Anita Loos/Boni and Liveright

Whatsoever Critic's Screw Ups of 2014

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

As 2014 is coming to a close, I want to set the record straight. I'm not perfect. I'll say things in this blog that would lead to slap-in-the-face results. However, understand that I have my opinions, which is why I'm bringing back balance by admitting the mistakes and screw-ups that may or HAD made on this blog before we reach 2015. So this is my Top 10 screw-ups.

10. Delays on embedding uploaded videos onto my blog
Besides having a blog, I also have a Youtube channel, where I upload videos and then embed them onto my blog. Most of the time, I won't embed videos until a day or two after they've been uploaded onto Youtube. Please understand that I am one person doing all of this, and that I try my best to get things out as soon as possible.
-I recently uploaded a video that I haven't embedded onto my blog yet (the "What I Would Say To LarryBoy" video). I'm still trying to get that out on my blog, but it's still available on Youtube, if you haven't seen the video.

9. I sometimes misspell Scott Cawthon's name.
Yeah, misspelling words and names is the usual pet peeve on this blog. I wish I can go back and fix all the spelling mistakes, but I always have time to fix some. So if you spot spelling mistakes, don't make a big fuss about it. Most people misspell.
This was common whenever I mention the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise, where I talk about Scott Cawthon. I sometimes misspelled Cawthon. I'll try not to make that mistake again.

8. I was kind of hard on the octopus villain from the 2014 Penguins of Madagascar movie.

As much as I didn't like some of the payoffs in that movie, I really have nothing against the villain Dr. Octavius Brine (Dave), other than he's not Dr. Blowhole. I mean, Dr. Blowhole would've made a better villain, because he's more familiar than this guy. Just saying...
-This is coming from a Dr. Blowhole fan. No disrespect to DreamWorks, but seriously. Come on. Dr. Blowhole should've been in that movie.

That's what I believe in.

7. Am I REALLY going to re-review some movies that I've already reviewed?
I've looked back at the archives and saw my blog post entitled "Top 5 Reviews That I Would Like To Rethink." I thought about re-reviewing, but felt that the creativity wouldn't make a big of an impact as it did when I first reviewed the movie(s).
So, instead of re-reviewing the selected movies, I'm just going to write opinionated articles about them. It's kind of like Nostalgia Critic's "What You Never Knew About..." videos, but only my opinions and me pointing out things that people may have overlooked.
Plus, remember my "Coming Soon In 2014..." blog post? (If you haven't, check it out now.) I know I've promised reviews; however, since I'm a college student and is always busy in my writing, I was only able to review 4 out of the 10 movies that I mentioned on that blog posts.
But don't worry; the movies that I have promised you but haven't gotten out yet will come.
-I probably won't review A Nightmare on Elm Street after all, because I wasn't aware of it's original version (not the reboot), until recently, when I saw Cinema Snob's review on the original. But either way, reviews will still be coming out.

6. Bonnie is a unisex name

You may remember my rant in the Five Nights at Freddy's reviews on criticizing the character bunny's name. It turns out that I was right and wrong. But let's start with the wrong first. I was wrong in the following way:
-I recently looked up the name Bonnie on the Internet, and found out that it was both a girl's name and a boy's.
However...
I was right in some way. I was right in criticizing the name choice, because I also learned on the Internet that the name was outdated, and was rare in giving to a person.
-I agree that the name is outdated... for a guy. I mean, one would find it very rare to find a guy that had a name like Bonnie.

Anyway, Scott Cawthon can name his characters anything he wants. That's what's creative of storytelling and video games.

5. There are 10 animatronic characters, NOT 7 (Five Nights at Freddy's 2)

I remember saying in my Five Nights at Freddy's 2 reviews saying that there were 7 animatronics coming to get the player. I never thought of the other 3 characters, which were the older models of Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica. After seeing other people play this game on Youtube, I started to see the truth of how many animatronics there were in the game. But those reviews were written when I first started playing the game.

-So, there were more animatronics than I thought there were... Miscounted? I guess...

4. Was my Nitpicking segment a mistake?
I know I've experienced backlash from this segment in the past.
-I deleted those comments, due to the courtesy of other readers.
However, I am entitled to my opinion until the end of time. I believe it. However, I'll try not to upset some of you. New year, new outlook.

3. I was hard on Junior Aspargus.

How? In my review and editorial of The League of Incredible Vegetables, I criticized heavily on the character Junior Asparagus, because he ultimately saved the day in that movie, when it should've been LarryBoy to begin with.

What that movie did was have LarryBoy take a backseat, while they built up a kid that's evidently caused trouble in the previous LarryBoy adventures (ex. Fib from Outer Space and Rumor Weed). 
-I mean, is that who you would want to save the day?


A boy hero that gets a pass on lying and telling dangerous rumors?
I also felt that way about the decision to make Junior a superhero, because I was already used to LarryBoy; I already had my heart set on LarryBoy- nothing was going to change about that.

I don't see Junior as superhero material; otherwise, just call him discount-LarryBoy, because it won't work out for me; I'm sorry.
I don't want to be too hard on Junior Asparagus, but realize what they did to LarryBoy in that movie. Was it worth it?

2. Did my WORST Christmas Specials list upset some of you?
I had to come out on Christmas specials, because it's a constant argument around the holidays when it comes to specials. If you think Hallmark Channel's spewing out Christmas movies a millisecond every year is bad, then the specials that I had topped off as "worst" is the big parade for it.
I wasn't BS-ing when I said that I didn't like a special. It's my opinion. I'm pretty sure that some of you were agreeing or disagreeing; we're all entitled to our own opinions. That's just the way it is.

1. Predicting Will Roth over Jesse Kinch (ABC's Rising Star)

The biggest backlash that I've ever received in Whatsoever Critic history is during my reviews of Season One of Rising Star. I was doing predictions on who would go on to next round. I wanted the predictions to be for fun, not to say "You're wrong" or "You don't know what you're talking about."

Nonetheless, I had received an angry comment from an annoymous commentator, saying that I was wrong about Jesse Kinch, because he was in competition with another contestant (Will Roth),

and I was leaning more towards Roth on who would move on in the challenge.
To be brutally honest, I thought both singers were great. In fact, this was one of the predictions that I had a hard time choosing in. There were times that I had to flip a coin to just make a decision. But please also understand that I like variety. Today is about variety. Just look at Taylor Swift; she went from country to pop within a few years, and many people still like her. That's variety.
Anyway, what's done is done. The post is already published, so it wouldn't make any sense to change it, because they were predictions. And besides, Jesse Kinch ended up winning the competition, so that's good news for whoever said I was wrong.
But I ask of you: please forgive and forget.

And that was my Top 10 Screw-Ups. Hopefully in 2015, there will be more reviews and editorials to come!

Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Penguins of Madagascar (2014 movie)
Five Nights at Freddy's
Five Nights at Freddy's 2
The League of Incredible Vegetables
LarryBoy and the Fib from Outer Space
LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed
Rising Star (ABC)

Courtesy: DreamWorks Animation; Scott Cawthon; Big Idea/DreamWorks; and American Broadcasting Company/Keshet Broadcasting

Saturday, December 13, 2014

WC's Christmas PART 4: Movies That'll Trick You Into Thinking That They're Christmas Movies!

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

Welcome to Part 4 of Whatsoever Critic's Christmas! Today I'm going to give you something that I like to call: Movies That'll Trick You Thinking That They're Christmas Movies. What that means is that I found some movies that throw in things that'll remind you of Christmas, but then you realize that they have nothing to do with Christmas; otherwise, the stories would've been written different. For this one, I don't think a countdown list is necessary. So, I'm just going to talk about them on a scale of importance.
I'm going to talk about 5 movies for this one.

Happy Feet

I'm not a huge fan of this one. I mean, sure, it's about penguins, a misfit penguin, and him ultimately saving his community...
-Wait. Is this another Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer scenario? Puh-lease! I've already talked about that special! Besides, I'm tempted to do a review on that special, if Nostalgia Critic isn't considering. I mean, he's already reviewed Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. (So that's the least of my problems.)
Plus, I heard that this movie spawned a sequel, but no one's ever talked about it.

I guess people can be fooled by its use of the Antarctic and snow... and the fact that it may be a spit-in-the-face render in another penguin movie, which I will bring up later on in this blog post.

Toy Story

I'm not a big fan of this franchise either...
-Just saying...
What'll fool people into believing that this one's a Christmas movie is the ending scene, where the toys are listening to what their owner Andy is unwrapping for Christmas. 

Yeah, the snow outside the house, as well as the Christmas tree will have people thinking about the holidays, no matter what time of the year it is. In fact, this franchise is popular around the holidays, because it's played over and over on channels like Disney and ABC Family.
-By the way, is it weird to say that this movie franchise has gone overboard with its sequels. It's like The Land Before Time of Disney!

The Pebble and the Penguin

-Since I've already done a review on this movie, I won't dwell into it for long.
Let's face it... this movie features snow and the Antarctic in general.
-In fact, this was kind of (sort of) parodied in the recent Penguins of Madagascar (2014) movie... Just saying.
The reason this movie isn't much of a Christmas movie is because it was intended to be a love story...

-...despite its underwritten shortcomings and one-dimensional characterization on most of the characters except for the hero.
Plus, the characters' attire is mainly clothes that one would wear when it's cold. 
-Obviously, because they're in the Antarctic...
Also, at the end of the movie, the main characters (excluding the villain, because... well, not to give anything away here- let's just say he took a hard hit) are wearing Santa hats.
So, no.

Frozen

Yep, almost everyone knows this movie. Ever since its theatrical release last holiday season, this Disney movie has been a phenomenon that it's already a classic to the Disney canon. Its all over social media; it's popular in stores... and it may have outdid Pixar in some ways.
However, (no disrespect to this movie, but...) just because the movie depicts snow and features a person with magical winter abilities 

and a talking snowman, 

AND was released in theaters during the holiday season, doesn't make this movie a legitimate Christmas. For one, not once do you hear the word "Christmas" or see Christmas decorations (the snow flakes don't count). And plus, if this movie is seen all year round, that's another sign that this movie isn't a Christmas movie.
-I mean, who sees the Frosty the Snowman special during the summer? And would you see the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special on Easter? It just won't seem right.
Anyway, I have pretty much nothing against this movie, other than to say: Don't be confused on its intentions. Just enjoy the movie.

The League of Incredible Vegetables

Now I know what you're thinking: Whatsoever Critic, why would you mention this LarryBoy adventure? What's that movie got to do with not being Christmas?!

First of all, look at this movie and tell me that it's not what you were expecting in a LarryBoy movie. What on earth is this? It's not like LarryBoy and the Bad Apple where there were these cool tall-building scenic backdrops. Just snow and winter attire... 

not to mention a scene with hot chocolate and cookies.

And just like The Pebble and the Penguin, I already did a review on this movie, so I won't go any further.

And that concludes Whatsoever Critic's Christmas. I hoped y'all enjoyed it. I apologize if Part 1 or any of the parts weren't to your liking. This is all opinion-based.

Merry Christmas! : )

Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Happy Feet
Toy Story
The Pebble and the Penguin
Frozen
The League of Incredible Vegetables

Courtesy: Warner Bros., Disney/Pixar, Don Bluth, Disney, and Big Idea.