Wednesday, April 30, 2014

"An Easter Carol" Veggietales DVD Review

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

Today we're gonna look at an Easter special. And yeah, I know that Easter was more than a week and a half ago, but I didn't think of reviewing an Easter special until just now
For all the Christmas specials that are out there during Christmas time, there are only a distinct few Easter specials. But are any of them well-known? There has to be a well-known Easter special, right? Today's movie is an Easter special... but sadly, its lead character is the antagonist-playing schmuck himself: Mr. Nezzer. Yeah! Go figure!

It's obvious that this special is the Easter equivalent to Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. But unlike Ebenezer Scrooge, this movie has Mr. Nezzer drooling over Easter eggs; him being visited by Rebecca St. James playing a music box angel that has little to no personality, except being the morality figure; and him having a brush with death. Speaking of death, if you thought that the original Dickens story was dark, check out this DVD; death gets a free pass in a Veggietales special! 
There's a lot of heavy material and a lot of quirkiness in the mix. This is An Easter Carol.

Opening Scene:

So the special opens with our main character Mr. Nezzer visiting his grandmother's grave site.
-Like I said before, there's a lot of references of death in this movie.
-In this opening, you can definitely tell that the grandmother is dead, just by looking at Nezzer's expression on his face. I guess the writers wanted to make him convey actual emotion this time around, since in most viewings in his movies, he doesn't seem to care; and if he does, then it would be either rare or at the last few minutes of the movie.
After the title card literally flurries on screen, we see that Mr. Nezzer (in most of his performances) doesn't give a shit about the people around him singing the opening song about spring arriving, as well as Easter being tomorrow. 
He comes across Laura Carrot...
-...who's trying her damnest to sound British...
Laura: "[inaudible] for a lily, gov'na?"
...from an orphanage selling white lilies, and (gasp) he's an asshole towards her, crumbling one lily and making her buy an Easter egg from him.

Nezzer: "Just a moment there, young lady. You forgot to pay for that egg."
-Scrooge himself wouldn't be that big of a jerk.

Church Scene:

We then come across a family that owns a church. We see that they're preparing for Easter by installing a new stain-glass window and putting up the letters on the church sign. And then we see our Tiny Tim in the special named Edmund, played by Junior Asparagus.
-Yeah, Junior plays yet another cutesy role. This show finds this kid really beloved to see and listen to...
-(sarcasm) Enjoy how this Tiny Tim is exactly like the Tiny Tim in all the other Christmas Carol adaptations...

1. the occasional coughing
2. the pitiful-looking clothes, and
3. the usual... the usual crutch/cane
-Sure, he may take up a quarter of the DVD cover, but Junior plays a major role in this movie. You'll see when we get there.
Anyway, so the kid asks about Mr. Nezzer, and his dad sees this as an opportunity to spew out exposition, rather than tell it like it is...
Edmund: "Is he really the richest man in town?"
Rev.: "Heh, heh. I don't know about that. But his family has owned most of the property around here for generations... Even the land this old church sits on..."
Edmund wonders why Mr. Nezzer doesn't go to church, especially during Easter. Edmund's father, Reverend Gilbert, is willing to find out by visiting the Easter factory that Mr. Nezzer resides in.
-Now, tell me if this factory looks familiar...

Yeah! It's like the factory from Rack, Shack, and Benny (except for the not-needed-narrator George and the unnecessary-propped watertower thingy that Laura Carrot used to plug in her flying delivery truck)!

You'd think Mr. Nezzer would've already did some renovating!

Factory Scene:

So we that Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber are workers at Nezzer's factory, where they oversee Easter eggs and argue about asking Nezzer to give them the day off for Easter.
-In answer to your question, I don't know why Bob and Larry have jobs as factory workers, when they could be having other jobs.
Bob: "We have been working for your uncle for over a year now, paying him back for burning down his theater..."
Oh, now I get it. This is the sequel special of The Star of Christmas, where Bob and Larry had accidentally burned down a theater, which supposedly belonged to Nezzer. So, they're paying their dues by working for him at the factory.
(pause)
To be honest, I'm not all too familiar with that special. So, I'll check back with you on that...
Anyway, Mr. Nezzer finally arrives, and Bob has the nerve to ask him for a day off...
Nezzer: "What? Close up shop?!"
-(pause) That's funny. I thought Nezzer didn't give a shit in this movie...
Anyway, Nezzer explains why they can't close on Easter... because that would break his dead grandmother's heart. And thus, he sings about how his grandmother was great at selling Easter eggs, how she built this factory, and how she died of old age.

Plus, he even explains how his grandma gave him the factory...
-You may notice, through all of this song of exposition, there's a huge similarity between this factory and the one from Rack, Shack, and Benny: they both produce Easter-related products. Yeah, the chocolate bunnies and the Easter eggs. Nezzer must really be obsessed with Easter... not the Biblical side of it (obviously).
And it turns out that Nezzer's grandma gave him the family business while on her death bed, saying her last words being "Easter meets no death"... and of course, Nezzer takes it the wrong way.

Nezzer: (singing) "And I'll keep making Easter eggs, my one and only quest!"
-Oh God, please don't tell that Nezzer is gonna go crazy over eggs. We have Ozzie from Land Before Time 2 for that...
Just then, the reverend arrives and invites Nezzer to Easter mass, in which, of course, Nezzer immediately turns down. And why? Because he reveals that he wants to build a place called Easterland where the church is, but of course, tear the church down before the project can proceed.

-This is obviously slapping the faces of Christians, because... well, it's a church! What did the church do to deserve to be torn down? But we're in at least 10 minutes of the movie; so it's subject to change.

-And plus, whenever I see a crazy person and/or villain reveal his/her diabolical plans...

...well, Dr. Blowhole was more authentic than this!
Bob and Larry refuse to help Nezzer tear down the church; and this, of course, puts Nezzer in a bad mood, causing him to spill out his rage through more song.

-Nezzer: (singing) "...my people bugging me to come to church, and save the orphans, and shut my factory! But early to tomorrow morning, a crew will start at 8 on knocking down that little church and building something great..." 
-Don't people talk anymore? Again, Dr. Blowhole was more authentic than you. Well... his song "Brand New Plan" had some kind of exposition, but at least he has the singing voice of Neil Patrick Harris!
Nezzer even kicks everyone out of the factory, while serving Bob and Larry with "You're fired!" pink slips. But what makes this scene even more unforgettable is when Nezzer takes a remote control and sets his factory machines to work faster.

-You know what? I have a feeling that that move is gonna bite Nezzer in the rear later on in this movie. So, I'm gonna do everyone a favor and have that scene kept for safekeeping.

After That Scene of Rage:
It's revealed that nobody can stop the demolition of the church, because Nezzer owns the property.
-Just like the exposition reverend said...
-You know, there's a solution for all this: it's called court.

Outside the church:
So Scooter and Laura have a scene... and then it ends.

Bedtime:

So Edmund and his father have a scene...
Rev.: "As crazy as it sounds, we have to have hope..."
-Oh, you mean the music box angel that we're supposed to be seeing later on in the movie?

That Night:
Nezzer, inside his office/bedroom, falls asleep, but then gets freaked out when his grandmother pops out of her portrait to talk to him.
(Nezzer faints)
-Yeah, I'd faint if any of my dead family members came back to haunt me from their portraits.
Nezzer: "It's a ghost!"
Grandma Nezzer: "Nonsense! Didn't I teach you there's no such thing as ghosts?"
-(pause) But... you're a ghost.

So after that brush with fear, Nezzer's spirit grandmother tells him that he doesn't understand the true meaning of Easter. But will Grandma tell him what it means?
Grandma: "I'm not going to tell you."
-Wouldn't it be easier if you told him right then and there?
Grandma Nezzer: "What? I'm dead! Cut me some slack!"
-(mimicking Grandma) See Ebby? Just a little dead humor for a kids' movie here? What? You don't get it? This movie has several references to death that we're just joking about it... for some odd reason, perhaps...
But no, she explains that a second visitor will come at midnight sharp. Nezzer wakes up from his dream and is too scared to fall back to sleep.
-Okay, Nezzer. You're trying way too hard on the conveying-emotion stuff. Why can't you be more like Edmund... who's in what, 20% of the movie, but can still convey enough emotion that audiences would feel sorry for him? You'll see when we get there.

Outside the Gate:

Bob and Larry plan on stealing the blueprints for Easterland by breaking into the factory, despite being on probation for stealing the Star of Christmas from... The Star of Christmas.
Bob: "It's bad enough that we've burned down the theater. I'm not gonna let the church come down too!"
-Really? We're still on the story of how the theater burned down... you know, the look-back at this special's previous special? We get it already. Can we come back to what's going on now?

-And for that matter, Bob's dialogue in this movie is notably fast, whether it's spewing out exposition like the reverend or just talking to someone. And sometimes, it's kinda hard to catch what he's saying. His whole speech is always like that; there's never a point where he can just talk at a normal pace, or more importantly, breathe! I mean, how would you like it if someone else in this movie talked really fast the entire show? The special would be a half hour long if they did that!
-So, as you can imagine, in 50% of the movie, Bob and Larry will be doing nothing but try to climb over the wall to get to the factory. Good comic relief, but come on.

Back Inside the Factory:
Nezzer falls back to sleep; and of course, his clockwork egg transforms into... Julia Roberts from Hook.
-God I wish.
Actually, this is (I guess) Tinker Bell's conservative sister Hope, played by Rebecca St. James. Well, how does this fairy wake up Nezzer? (This ought to be rich. Get a load of this...) She bonks him on the head with her wind-up key.

-Talk about a rude awakening. That's the equivalent to somebody blowing an air horn in the ear of someone that's snoozing away in a lecture.
Anyway, Hope takes Nezzer outside his factory and towards the church. On their way there, Nezzer has an excuse for everything on why he doesn't want to go with the fairy. 
Nezzer: "Could you put it in a picture book? Or maybe some slides?"
-Always wanting to take the easy way out. That's one of the good qualities of Mr. Nezzer... just like in most viewings of his movies. I mean, you know that with Scrooge, you kinda feel sorry for the guy? But with Nezzer, he seems lazy as hell.
And, for some reason, he's flying. And... also, for some reason, he manages to keep his hat on.
-Seriously, his has his hat on in... 90% of the movie. And hey, the hat even made it on the DVD poster... Okay, why am I calling out percentages?
Hope: "You're not a miser or Scrooge, or anything like that. You just don't see what's right in front of you."
-Um... if that's the case, then what's the point of trying to get Nezzer to start shaping up and being a better person? That's really bad, if you're trying to get a person to change, or at least listen to what you're saying.

Easter Past:

So Hope takes Nezzer to his Easter Past, where he sees his boy self (who has the hair of Krusty the clown and the likeness of that chubby kid from The Sandlot) sitting with his grandmother at church. Grandma tries getting young Nezzer to listen to the Easter story, but the boy is too busy bitching about the egg that he was given being empty... and too busy selling Easter eggs to the people sitting next to him.
Then Hope shows Nezzer a year later, where his adult self is talking to an inventor (played by Pa Grape) about wanting to making Easter eggs with plastic chickens and make Easter "bigger" by making and selling the eggs.

-Oh God. Don't tell me that this is starting to become an egg fetish thing. Because I've already mentioned an egg addict on this blog (Ozzie from Land Before Time 2: The Great Valley Adventure). Trust me; we don't need any more egg addicts!
Well, despite the inventor's bad feelings about this, he does what Nezzer tells him to do.

Easter Present:
So we then cut to Hope and Nezzer appearing in front of the factory... where Bob and Larry are still trying to climb over that damn wall.

-It's obvious that Bob and Larry can't see Nezzer and Hope, because this is all in Nezzer's head. If you're familiar with the plot in A Christmas Carol, you would understand.

Edmund's House:

So Hope takes Mr. Nezzer to Edmund's house, where the parents and Scooter are discussing what to do about the church going down tomorrow... and giving the reverend more time to spew out exposition about Nezzer's grandma.
Rev.: "Did you know that she paid for all of those beautiful windows herself?"
-Geez, guy! This is supposed to be the Easter equivalent of A Christmas Carol, and all it is explaining, explaining, and even more explaining! Just tell a story!
They all think it's a bad idea that the church is gonna be torn down, and that Nezzer is crazy... well, Scooter thinks he's crazy.
Scooter: "It's that old sour Nezzer's fault! I... I'd like to take that old...!"
-Um... let's keep the review focused, okay?
Anyway, Hope tries to tell Nezzer that "the hope of Easter" is supposed to change everything...
Hope: "They're talking about the hope of Easter! The hope of Easter changes everything."
-Uh, I just finished saying that, but okay.
And just as before, Nezzer is ignorant.
-Now if only there was a touching Oscar-winning performance to somehow show Nezzer that being an asshole isn't the way to go...
(Edmund enters)

Edmund: "Mom? Dad?"
-Oh! Right on cue.
So Edmund tells his parents that Nezzer isn't all bad, but that he needs to see what Easter is really all about.
(Edmund coughs)

-Even Edmund's coughing makes this scene even more powerful. And... I gotta admit. This really hits home for people that are dealing with sick kids right now. Oh, Hope (angel), please show us the way...

Hope: "If nothing changes, this would be his last Easter."
-OMG, even the angel, the supernatural being that Nezzer is supposed to be getting guidance from, thinks that death has a place in this story... That's a lot of pressure to put on a little kid when they're watching this.
So Nezzer is ready to listen to the story of Easter and how it came to be.

Hope's song:
-Now, for this next scene, what do you think the writers were thinking when they wanted to bring Hope's song to life?
(mimicking writers) This song is gonna be so lovely and heart-warming to listen to... so let's put Nezzer in a darkly lit room with shadows casted on the pews and on his face. 

Seriously, why have this scene in a barely-lit room? I know this scene is supposed to be taken seriously, but you're trying way too hard here. And for that matter, I know that Nezzer, overall, can be a jackass at times, but come on! He's not entirely evil.
So Hope puts the Easter story through song and stain-glass visuals, and...
-It's amazing.

-Rebecca St. James is absolutely astounding in this song. Even the song itself is amazing. Now, if the rest of the movie was this passionate, I wouldn't be doing this review. Well... maybe do a review on the silly-gilly stuff that's in this movie, but hey.

-Yeah, but what this movie doesn't tell you about the story of Easter... is the pain and suffering that Jesus went through. But then again, this is Veggietales, not The Passion of the Christ.
Just then, Hope shows Mr. Nezzer the new stain-glass window, which shows Jesus resurrecting, which is the staple of Easter. Nezzer starts to like the true meaning of Easter...
-Wow. He came to his senses already, and this movie has about 15 minutes left. That's got to be a new record for how long it takes for Nezzer to have a change of heart...
...just until a wrecking ball destroys the stain-glass window.

-Yeah. Nothing offsets a beautiful song about Jesus and the importance of Easter than Nezzer's crazy demolition plan from before coming back to bite him in the ass. And there's still more ass-biting to come for this guy.

Easter future:
So Nezzer is now being introduced to Easter future, where people are nasty towards each other, criminals do whatever they want, law enforcement can't law down the law, and... for some reason, people can see him now(?)

Laura: "I've got no home, sir. But bless you."
-Oh yeah, and all the orphans now don't have an orphanage. That's really cruel for an Easter future, don't you think?.
Hope: "Without the hope of Easter, why would anyone risk their life for someone else?"
-Again, that's a lot of pressure to put on kids. I mean, sure, one time is okay, but by pressuring them even more... even when it's about Easter... that's just ungodly harsh.
-And by the way, thank God there's no shitty musical number where the thief that stole that girl's pencils isn't singing "We're des-picable" (refer to Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol)
Nezzer wants to go home, but...
Hope: "We're not finished, I'm afraid."
-Okay, I was liking this angel until now...
-And now, remember when I said that there's a lot of references to death in this movie?

Well! Guess who dies next in this movie!

That's right! Little Edmund is dead, because Nezzer was such a jerk for not caring about him!
-I can't believe that Veggietales would throw at us such heavy material... I mean, it's Veggietales! This is supposed to be G-rated... Well, if Disney can get away with death scenes in all of their movies, then I guess Veggietales has a shot at it... But it was still heavy material, even for a kid!

So Hope returns to her eggshell self, leaving Nezzer to be crushed by the falling debris from the church being demolished.

Morning:
Nezzer wakes up and sees that it isn't too late to stop the demolition. So he hurries off to the church, and... for some reason... walks past his factory operations and doesn't shut off his machinery...


...which is overheating and out of control at this point, seeing how earlier he cranked everything to the max...

-YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING!!!! That's right! I knew this scene from earlier would come back to haunt this movie! Yeah, I've made my way up to that problem! Well, to the movie's credit, I guess the writers wanted to add another subplot to keep the kids quiet a while longer.

Outside Factory:

Meanwhile, Bob and Larry are STILL trying to get into the factory...
-Really? Are we still building up to this joke? I mean, what's next? Nezzer finally opening the gates?
(gate opens and Nezzer says hi)

-(pause) No comment.
So, with the gate left open, Bob hurries into the factory, while Larry watches in horror, as Bob goes directly into danger... without stopping.

-... That was stupid.
Larry: "Oh dear..."
-Uh, no. The real response is: What the fuck?! Turn back, Bob! Don't you know that the building is in smoke and everything?! Turn back!!!
-Remember this scene also.

Church scene:
But before the demolition can take place in the church, Mr. Nezzer finally arrives to make things right with everyone.
-Seems like a legit apology speech. Can't argue with that.
But Larry arrives to warn Nezzer about the factory about to blow up.

And to make matters worse (as pointed out earlier), Bob is still inside the building. So everyone hurries to the factory to save Bob from the ticking time bomb.
-So basically, we get this weird segway from talking about Easter to this urgent rescue that one character decided to stupidly carry out his so-called mission. Where's the logic? I mean, I know you have to fill up your 45 minutes somehow, but an urgent rescue in an Easter special?
(thinking)
Okay, now I'm starting to get it. Remember what Hope mentioned about the hope of Easter from the Easter future scene?
Hope: "Without the hope of Easter, why would anyone risk their life for someone else?"
Now that's a good point. But then again, this rescue is just silly!
-And plus, this really isn't Bob's fault. Blame Nezzer for cranking up his machinery to the max in that earlier scene where he's kicking everyone out of his factory!

Twice that scene is stabbing this movie in the ass!

Factory scene:
-Now, before going even further, I'm just gonna tell you: this is getting more and more cliche. So I'm just going to go through the rest of this movie as fast as I can.
So Mr. Nezzer arrives to save Bob. Bob is defiant at first, but finally realizes that Nezzer is a good guy now... but far too, because they then find themselves trapped inside the dangerous factory.
-Well, no shit!
Meanwhile, outside...
Larry: "All the exits are blocked!"
-Well, no shit!

Anyway, Nezzer and Bob find a way out by performing this BS where they hop into one of the machinery's carts and getting launched out of the building just as the whole place explodes.

-(sarcasm) OMG! Did Michael Bay get involved with this movie? I mean, we got a contender for epic explosions!

Outside the church:
So Nezzer and Bob arrive via machine cart at the front of the church. Everyone arrives. Easter eggs fall from the sky... for some reason.

Nezzer wants to help fix the orphanage and to help Edmund cure his illness.

Then the movie ends with everyone celebrating Easter and Nezzer visiting his grandmother's grave... on a happy note this time.
Nezzer: "I'll see you later."
-(mimicking Nezzer) Yeah, I put a lily on your grave, so that you don't pop out of my portrait of you anymore. Happy Easter!
-Mr. Nezzer, everybody! He can be a jerk at times, but he has a good heart (hopefully). And he could care less that he's now homeless himself, because seeing that his factory is destroyed by his own doing. Yep! That's one factory that gets the ax in this movie, while the church is left unscathed. Well, to be fair, Nezzer had to learn his lesson somehow... just like in most viewings of his movies!!!

So that was An Easter Carol. Well, what can I say?
Well, how about this? This was odd, even for an Easter special. Plus, the Easter special itself seems so forgettable, even to Veggietales. I mean, it's not talked about during Easter... well, maybe every once in a while (if lucky), but I just don't feel that it's really a household name.
Yeah, between all the exposition to remind us why this special was the sequel to The Star of Christmas, the awkward moments, and the WTF-that-was-dumb moments, I can hardly remember what was good about this. Well, the only memorable thing was Hope singing her song about the Easter story.
I know this special wanted to spread the word to kids about the true meaning of Easter and also to get a special out there other than Christmas, but it's not worth the constant exposition-spewing and the over-the-top dramatic moments. I mean, seriously? Death in a Veggietales special? That's not encouraging!
Maybe I'm being a little too harsh on this special. I mean, like Rack, Shack, and Benny, this one took risks, and it had Mr. Nezzer as a good guy this time, which must be a good sign.
Overall, the special was okay. I mean sure... some of the jokes can be weak, and some of the characters aren't really good at problem-solving and/or planning, but part of that is in the plot.

And now, clue #1 for my first Mystery Review. Ready? Here's your first clue:

An egg

Could it be another Easter special? Or could it be something that has to do with an egg? Stay tuned for clue #2!

Whatsoever Critic

Sources:
Veggietales
Penguins of Madagascar (that one pic)

Courtesy of Big Idea Entertainment and DreamWorks Animation.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

One More Thing on Mystery Reviews...

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

This is just a reminder on the Mystery Reviews that I had mentioned in the updated "Coming Soon in 2014..." post.
I realized that I may not have been clear about what I was to do if I wanted to announce a Mystery Review coming. So, either at the end of one review, I would give you a clue.
For example: "The next movie that I will review... contains a love triangle." And then a few posts later, there's "Mystery Review #(so-and-so number)." I'll make sure to give you clues, until I finally launch the mystery review. So stay tuned!

Whatsoever Critic

Friday, April 4, 2014

"The Pebble and the Penguin" Movie Review

Hi, I'm the Whatsoever Critic. I review just about anything.

You know... for today's movie, I just... I don't know. Ever since a month after I launched this blog, I've debated on whether or not doing a review on this movie was okay, because I saw the Nostalgia Critic's review on it, and that this movie was given a bad grade by Siskel and Ebert and by Rotten Tomatoes. But hey, I remember seeing this movie when I was 3 or 4; and I remember the movie may have inspired me... some. And wouldn't you know it, come junior year in high school, I rediscovered this movie and thought: "Maybe I should give this movie another shot of my viewership." So I ended up watching it again, but that time in my teen years. Well, I'll admit that I had like a different perspective on it.
Yeah, come to think of it, as a kid, I didn't really focus too much on what was going on, because I was too into the colors and animation. Now, as in adult, I'm already noticing that the movie had its flaws: its story; the sloppy animation (at times); and the character development.

Okay. I'm not gonna prolong this any further. I'm talking about The Pebble and the Penguin.

This was said to be one of Don Bluth's "box office failures." For some reason, I don't want to see this movie for how bad it is. However, there's something in this movie that drives me the wrong way- I'm not sure what it is, but I'm on a mission to find out.
As for the movie itself... For those of you who may have heard of this movie, or totally forgot about it, I'll give you the premise. It's supposed to be a romantic comedy involving the mating ritual of Adelie penguins. That's not a bad idea. I mean, I love the premise; I like the voice acting; and I especially like the fact that this movie was trying to create a legit love story. However, with that said, there were some awkward things about this movie: the plot distributing and the movie's "presumed" villain. (Yeah, we'll get to him in a minute.)
So let's not stall this any longer. Let's see why this movie worked and didn't work. This is The Pebble and the Penguin.

Intro:
So the movie starts off with a Shani Wallis narration saying how Adelie penguins have their mating rituals...
-No.That's better emphasized through the opening credits with the singing penguins singing and frolicking through sheet music.

-I'll admit, that this story was one of the first in all the "storybook-type" movies to shy away from the cliched narrator reading from a cliched storybook. That was something new in the 90s, I guess.

Opening Scene:
Anyway, so after a few minutes of listening to the opening song, we see the narrator introduce us to Hubie, played by Martin Short....
-who would play an Italian sea lion years later.

(Refer to Madagascar 3) By the way, which seems more credible- the stuttering penguin or the cutesy sea lion that shoots out of cannons? Take your pick.
Anyway, Hubie tells his friends (a.k.a the useless exposition trio) that he's in love with a girl penguin named Marina... just when he runs into her.
-And by the way, Marina is played by Annie Golden. (Little is known about this actress.)
So the two penguins make small talk.

-Well, you gotta admit that Hubie is trying to show Marina his love and compassion.
-And you also may notice that Hubie a lot in this movie. Either that's part of his shy and timid character, or Martin Short's script got tampered with.
-Plus, I also noticed the name. The penguin's name is "Hubie." If the name had an extra "b," then it would have been pronounced "Huh-bee." Apparently, this movie really wanted to make it a kids' film. I don't know; I think they may have glossed over that.
Moving on... we see our main villain simply known as Drake, played by Tim Curry. And... is it me, or tell me if this guy seems familiar at all...

Drake: "Marina doesn't know it yet, but she's going to be my wife..."
-Oh, that's right! Gaston from  Beauty and the Beast!
I didn't think we were going to meet a generic villain in this movie. I mean... look at him! The muscles... the red attire... Well, okay. He can't be that generic... Well, maybe. In fact, if you think he doesn't seem similar to Gaston... then someone needs to take some logic classes. I mean, think about it!!!
1. the muscles (obviously)
2. the red attire

3. looking at himself in some kind of mirror


4. wanting to force marriage on a girl that he's just set eyes on the moment this movie started
5. surrounds himself with a bunch of suck-ups that believe it when he says that he's the best and only he
6. talks about having kids with the girl he's hitting on (a.k.a.- lust)
7. bullies only one person in this movie (aside from the girl that he's hitting on)

8. sings (we'll get to that in a moment)
9. there's so many other similarities in this movie that are related to Beauty and the Beast in general... you'll see when we get there...

Nighttime Scene:

Later on, Hubie sings a song to Marina.
-Yeah, to be fair, this song seems cute, until you remember that this guy stutters. I mean, come on, Hubie! If you really love this girl, show it! Tell her you love her! Weren't you that confident whenever you were talking to your bird friends... your exposition friends, if you will? I wanna see that guy again! What happened to that guy?

Anyway, Marina finds his charming, and then they... just playfully bump each other, and the scene pans out... for some... reason.
-Aren't they going to kiss or something? So, this is the relationship that we're going to see from these two.
-In Beauty and the Beast, Belle and the Beast at least got to know each other during her time at the castle. And they at least got to hold hands at nighttime. Here, they make awkward small talk, Hubie sings, and then everything is hunky-dory from there... without showing any hugging or kissing... or at least holding hands. Please do something!

Pebble Hunting:
So, the next day...
Narrator: "The rookery buzzed with excitement, as all the bachelors took to the..."
-I'm sorry. I forgot there was supposed to be a narrator for this movie. Yeah, just like the narrator George from Rack, Shack, and Benny...

...here we have a narrator with little to no involvement in the story outside of narrating.
Anyway, Hubie is unsuccessful at finding the perfect pebble for his girlfriend.

-By the way, that's the mating ritual for these penguins. The guy proposes to a female penguin with a pebble, and they have kids. So let me get this straight: a pebble is like an engagement ring... oh, who cares? I already knew what it was.

Later that night:
So Hubie... (get a load of this) wishes upon a star and... it cuts to him trying to look for a pebble.
-First of all, Walt Disney would be spinning in his grave right now when he sees that this movie has already ripped off Disney in the most subtle way possible...
-Second, was his wish that he find a pebble or to keep looking? Sounds like a weird Zen riddle...
But his "mystery" wish suddenly comes true, as Hubie witnesses an asteroid land near him...
-Okay, what's with things falling from not  making a big ruckus on the earth? First, it was the Fib from Outer Space landing lightly in a neighborhood... and now it's this light-weighted asteroid-thingy!
So, it turns out that the asteroid is really a shiny green emerald, of which Hubie quickly recognizes as a pebble that he can give to Marina.

-Wow. God must have been a really good mood today, because the rock looks beautiful... seeing that Hubie's girlfriend is in it.
-And is it fair to say that the pebble that Hubie finds is... Well, it's obvious that this movie doesn't give us an explanation as to what the pebble is and where it came from... except for that it came from the sky. Now this is ripping off the Fib's entrance from LarryBoy and the Fib from Outer Space!
(pause)
Um, no. This movie came out before LarryBoy and the Fib from Outer Space. My bad.

The Next Day...:
-Now, before we go any further, who would like to play a game? (Say yes.) Okay then! It's called... Try Not To Piss Your Pants While Drake Is In This Scene.
No kidding! Drake shows up and threatens Hubie to give up the pebble that he just found recently.

-(sarcasm) Yeah, enjoy how Tim Curry tries to hide his British accent in his American accent. It's so nice to hear this guy threaten the movie's timid hero.
Hubie refuses; so Drake throws him into the ocean, where a leopard seal is waiting.
-How convenient...
So after a brief chase, the seal pisses off, leaving Hubie stranded on a rock... thingy. And he can't swim back home.
-Okay. How the hell did he go from home to that rock thing? He must be a fast swimmer.

The Good Ship Misery:
-Here's a fun question: what's more cliche than a invisible narrator and a storybook in the form of a songbook? An obvious set of a miserable place. That's this next scene.
Hubie (somehow) finds himself inside a crate on a boat labeled "Misery."
-I know this movie wanted to be symbolic, but the symbolism here is way too subtle. In fact, we can go ahead and do a checklist of symbolic set-ups:
1. the sea-worthy alternative to exile, banishment, or whatever
2. the obvious set of the villain's lair
3. the homeward-bound ship, and...
4. the I-shit-you-not map storyboards that this movie will throw at us (They also do that in the DVD box)
Anyway, Hubie finds himself in a crate, and he meets a bunch of other penguins that (to be honest) have little to no personality, except to be an excuse to have another musical number.

One penguin (singing): "If you're into pain and agony..."
-(listening)
Penguin who reminds of the Gordon's Fisherman mascot (singing): "If you love the great indoors..."
Chorus: "Welcome to the Good Ship Misery..."
-Is it me, or does this song sound a lot like "The Plunderer's March" from Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol? It does! If that's the case, then... this song "The Good Ship Misery" is a lot better! I mean, I've mentioned this on my Top 6 Worst Villain Songs list, but I'll say it again: "The Plunderer's March" was uncomfortably bad; it was weird and (may I remind you) it was "des-picable"! I'm sorry, but this movie made one generic song sound better than what it's similar to! In other words, "The Good Ship Misery" song is giving "The Plunderer's March" a run for its money!
So, after the first couple of minutes of singing and giving these captive penguins only this moment of screening time, we're then introduced to a new penguin named Rocko, played by Jim Belushi. The character for this penguin...

-(pause) You know what? We should have the cast line up, so that we can make a checklist of cliched characters:
1. the timid, shy hero who's the only one in the movie that'll get the most character development (check)

2. the love interest who has little to no personality outside of just being beautiful (check)

3. the egotistical villain who wants the love interest clearly for lust (check)

4. the street-wise, don't-fuck-with-me sidekick to the movie's hero (check)

5. the side characters (okay, we probably won't count them)
Oh wait! While we're at it...
6. the side characters that are more symbolic exposition than actual characters (check)

Back to the story, while Rocko rants about "busting out of here," Hubie gets a vision from his... pebble?

-So the pebble has magical powers? What is this?
Hubie gets a vision of Drake trying to propose to Marina. However, Marina won't budge from her love for Hubie; so Drake tells her that she has to marry before the next full moon, or else she'll be forced to leave the community: banishment. And it turns out that there's a "law" about it.
-Since when did penguins have laws and legislation? Or does Drake like to bullshit people like that? His egotism he really starting to annoy me...
Soon after that... vision or whatever we just witnessed (which is nothing more than a teaser trailer of a penguin-version of Twilight), Hubie convinces Rocko to help him escape.

So the pair eventually escape the ship, even though the fishermen give chase...
-Well, this scene was so boring that I had to press the fast-forward button on my remote.

Beach:

So... for some odd reason, the pair make it to a beach where Hubie tries to connect with Rocko, but Rocko's streetwise personality won't let him.

-I'll go ahead and give you a run over Rocko's streetwise personality, for those of you who happened to look passed this...
1. the streetwise I-don't-care attitude
2. the streetwise arms-folding
3. the streetwise trying-not-to-show-any-emotion-whatsoever

4. and the constant... (Understand that!)...the constant streetwise straight face

 (I mean, geez! Lighten up! This is supposed to be a kids' movie!)
Then Rocko finally reveals that he wants to fly, but is upset that Hubie finds it funny that he wants to fly, and that the harsh reality of it is that...
Hubie: "...penguins can't fly."
-That is right.
Rocko: "Who's idea of a cruel joke is this?!"
-Um... No comment.
So Hubie convinces Rocko to help him get back home by... (this oughta be rich) telling him about a certain penguin that can teach him to fly, and...
-You already know where this is going...

Travelling:

So the duo take the "homeward bound" ship to an unknown island of rock, where they have their first argument. Then they can't stand each other whenever they're taking shelter under a rock whenever a lightning storm strikes.

-That's God saying to cut it out, you two.

"Don't Make Me Laugh"
We then cut to the obvious set of Drake's lair, as the asshole himself pesters Marina to marry him. And, just like before, Marina turns him down. This of course puts Drake in a higher asshole level, causing him to sing...
Drake (singing): "Don't make me laugh!"
-How I dreaded this point! I know I've talked about this song a few times on my blog, but now is the perfect time to go into depth with this monstrosity.
-First of all, look at the color scheme that this musical number just throws at us.


Now I know where the Rumor Weed song from LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed got some of its inspiration from!
-Second, look at the body language. It's like Drake wants to be loving and affectionate towards; but in a millisecond, it looks like he wants to hit her and physically harm her!

-Third, the song itself is evil! I mean, listen!
Drake (singing): "Right this way to the Drake estate, or write your epitaph..."
By the way, what's an epitaph?
(researching)
Wikipedia: "epitaph- a short text honoring a deceased person... on a tombstone or plaque..."
Yeah! It's that evil!
-Fourth, what the hell is this stunning dance choreography doing in a musical number that's got dating abuse written all over it?!

Was this Don Bluth's way of having a dance scene in his romance flick? Did Don Bluth consider ripping off the dance scene from Beauty and the Beast, but make it with the bad guy and the girl, instead of the good guy and the girl? I mean, look at the comparison!!


-Fifth, Drake's buddies just stand there and make fun of Marina, while Drake is giving her hell with his singing and throwing her around. What dicks! 

But don't you worry! These three buddies never show up again... Okay, what is it with side characters coming and going? It's like drive-by casting in this movie.
-Sixth, if you listen to the lyrics all the way through, Drake makes a total of 6 references to what it means to "laugh." Understand that!! 6 references!!
1. "...bend in half..."
2. "Don't be a card..." (Trust me; that's one reference. If you're still not sure, look it up.)
3. "...laugh so hard, that you begin to ache..."
4. "...pull my leg..."
5. "...slap my knee..."
6. "I'm no hyena..."
People, do yourself a favor: do not use or say any of these puns after you have viewed this musical number... or at least, use them responsibly.
-Last, but definitely not least, the end of this song.
Drake (singing): "Don't make me..."
(sarcasm) Enjoy how Drake sings that last part, which makes him sound like the THX Surround Sound intro. Just crank up the volume when he sings the last line, and you'll know what I mean.

Weird-looking Island scene:
After that song or... whatever the hell we've just witnessed... we cut back to Hubie and Rocko having another argument. Hubie confesses to Rocko about making up an imaginary person so that he could get a free pass home... and Rocko starts choking the living shit out of him.
-(sarcasm) You know, for kids! Because this is a movie with people threatening others... Creepy villains wanting to get in the girl's pants... and dating violence in the form of a song... this scene with a person choking a character can easily segway into the mix.
But thank God the choking doesn't last long, because Hubie finds a way to make Rocko laugh: by making a God-awful duck sound.
-I'll admit. That was funny. It may have been awkward, but it was still funny.
Anyway, after a few moments of... laughing... Hubie and Rocko are friends again (I think).

Back at the rookery...
Back at home, we see that Marina misses Hubie... so much that she sings a song about it.

-You may need a box of tissues for this one...

Back to the duo...
Hubie and Rocko decide to go fishing, but they then get chased by the same leopard seal (the one from the beginning)...
-Dang, seal! What is up with you? Why can't you leave Hubie alone? Why don't you give the other sea monsters a chance? Just don't with Cedric the sea monster from Sofia the First.
-And for that matter, I'm very surprised at how long Hubie and Rocko can hold their breaths underwater. There has to be an explanation.
Well, screw it. The duo eventually escape, and... Hubie sings about their friendship.
-Well, if Disney's Bambi can blow off Bambi's mother's death with singing birds... then this part definitely qualifies. Okay, why does this movie take danger and/or death like a light breeze? Don't they have any shame?

Anyway, after a few minutes of singing... a little bit of stand-up... and Hubie almost dying from holding his breath... the duo officially become friends.

Travelling scene (a.k.a.- drive-by cinema):
During their trip to Hubie's home, Rocko teaches Hubie to fight, so that he can compete against Drake for Marina's love.
-Oh, yeah. There was a Drake in this movie, wasn't there? Okay, I gotta address something: there's something lacking in this movie. If Drake is supposed to be the main villain in this movie, then why doesn't he show up more? He just appears, acts like a total dick, and then we cut to boring scenarios and/or bland dialogue.
-And notice how many ships they find as Hubie is taught how to fight. But hey, I'd like to see them catch a ride on one of Bowser's airships.

Yeah! Maybe they could get Bowser's help in burning Drake to a crisp! Screw learning how to fight! Just let Bowser burn shit up!

Orcas scene:
So, just when you think that everything is going to be happy sailing from here... disaster strikes. The duo gets attacked by orcas; and... (gasp) Rocko goes missing.
-Yeah, telling by the abandoned handkerchief that just washed up, we can all just assume that Rocko is a goner.

Exposition scene:
We see Hubie's bird friends talking about Marina being in trouble. It's revealed that Drake kidnapped Marina, so that he can force her to marry him.
-Okay, now we're talking! The movie's villain finally has the balls to do something that evil!

Fight scene:
So... as told by our exposition characters... Marina is kidnapped, and...

-It doesn't look like Drake is gonna force her to marry him, but instead... He's carrying her into his lair... OMG! He's gonna get in her pants!!! Please tell me that Hubie is still coming to save the day!!!
So Hubie finally shows up and challenges Drake to a fight, and (big shock) Hubie loses the first round.
-Yeah, the elbow to the face can really knock the daylights out of a person...
-What's even more weird is that at the beginning of the fight, Drake, for some reason, picks up his pecs... unless he was trying to pick up his pants, but still!!! I mean, what was up with that?!
Anyway, Hubie isn't down for long, because he gets back up and pursues Drake.
-Now, I gotta admit: this fight scene is pretty cool... just like the fight scene from Beauty and the Beast. There are too many similarities to Beauty and the Beast to count! But hey, this one is still cool.
-Another thing: why doesn't Marina just leave? 

Drake kidnapped her, so you'd think she would run for her life; but she waits at the last minute to run away, allowing Drake enough time to recapture her! Think, people! Think!
So after a minute of "epic" fighting, Hubie finally punches and kicks Drake down a flight of stairs or... wherever's downstairs... And Hubie rescues Marina.
-Get ready for improbable-returning-from-being-pronounced-dead in 3... 2... 1...
(Rocko appears)
-How's that even possible? Those orcas earlier looked hungry enough to kill a person! Well, this is a work of fiction, so we'll give them that.
And speaking of improbable-coming-back-to life BS, guess who comes back for vengeance...

Drake: "Say your prayers you [inaudible]...!"
-Yeah. The bad guy comes back to life... even though he just fell a billion stories down his tower not too long ago...
So Drake throws a friggin' boulder at our heroes, but destroys his tower in the process. Plus, Drake gets crushed to death by falling rocks.

-That was disturbing- death by rocks. But hey, if kids' shows can get away with monsters squishing people...

...heroes narrowly escaping being impaled by a shovel...

...and bad guys surviving a self-destruction of a lair... 

...yeah! We might as well gloss over this scene too!
After falling for some time, Hubie and Marina are rescued when Rocko finally has the ability to fly.

-Wait. Rocko can fly now? Um... explain movie!

Ending:
Eh, screw it. Our heroes return home. Hubie finally proposes, and he and Marina get married and have kids.
-Our hero, everybody. If anyone's going to get into Marina's pants, it's Hubie. He takes care of business. (But, in fairness, he's much more kind and respectful than Drake. And plus, Hubie's the hero of this story.)
And thus, the movie ends with Rocko teaches Hubie's children to fly.

-(sarcasm) Yeah, learn from the flying master... who got those kind of powers in the most improbable way possible.

And that's The Pebble and the Penguin. Well, this was a hard one, but I'll be completely honest with this one.
First, I'll start with the bad stuff. The story had some plot holes. Most of the characters had little to no personality, except for the hero, the sidekick, and the villain. There is constant obvious-symbolism in this movie. Some of the animation seemed unfinished. The pebble had little to no importance, other than it's being used as an engagement ring for the love interest. And, as an added bonus, this movie cared very little about its villain: I thought this movie was going to give Drake so much attention, seeing that he's competing for the love interest. (You should know better, movie! You should know better!) And lastly, there were too many awkward moments to count.
Okay, that was all my bad stuff. The good news is that there were some things that I liked about the movie. Yeah, this movie tried to cater to the Beauty and the Beast fans and/or romance-moviegoers (in general), but it was worth a shot. I liked the premise that this movie tried to convey. Plus, the voice acting was decent, despite the movie's script giving the actors little to work with. To be honest, I don't care if the animation is sloppy; I don't care if the movie has problems. I liked this movie as a kid, and I would still appreciate it today.

Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
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Sorry, folks. I thought I was done reviewing this movie. However, I forgot to mention one scene from this movie that really drives me the wrong way. I'm talking about the scene where Drake is scheming and hoping that Hubie doesn't come back so that he can marry Marina.
Right now, you're probably thinking: Whatsoever Critic, what makes this scene drive you bats? Well, I'm not going to beat around the bush any longer. So let me explain:
-First of all, view this scene as a whole, and tell me that that's as creepy as hell. It's like the writers of this movie wanted to make the villain more creepier than what he is. It's like they said: We don't think that the villain is creepy enough. So let's put him in a creepy-faced cave... 

...in a darkly lit room with bones scattered all over the floor, and... hang on. 


Let's also put a long bone in his hand, so that he can wave it at the audience. We know that sounds cliche, but who gives a damn? So, as you can imagine, the set-up is dismal.
-Second, we hear Drake explain some of the plot- how Hubie is fending for himself now that he's far away from home; plus, he hopes that Hubie doesn't come back. Oops, I tell a lie: he assumes that Hubie won't return home. How the fuck did Drake come up with that conclusion?! I guess he has psychic powers...(?) No. In fact, he doesn't have any powers whatsoever, other than his unexplained strength and the muscles.
-Third, while Drake is talking, we see two scavenger-looking birds listening to him, until he screams at them, prompting them to get the hell out of there. 

And is it fair to say that this is the only time in the movie that you'll get to see these two birds? 

Yeah; they never show up again. That had to be a waste of animation. But wait! Drake could've had those two birds spy on Hubie and/or prevent him from coming home. That would've made them much more useful. Think, people! THINK!!!!!
-Fourth, when I first watched this scene, I didn't think about the animation flaws, until the second viewing. When I saw this scene again, I started to notice what was wrong with the animation. For example, we would get one shot of Drake talking, and then we cut to the birds that are listening to him. 

But when we cut to him again, we see that part of his cape is missing. The cape was long and moved with him, but not part of it is gone as he's just sitting there. 

Am I the only one who's noticing this animation flaw?

I mean, think about it. Let's say I get a shot of my hand here:

And after shooting something else, I would come back to shooting my hand and... my thumb is gone.


Where's the consistency when you need it?
-Fifth, the voice acting to go with this scene is just uncomfortable... well, the tone of the voice fits the villain (obviously), but it may scare kids. Plus, if you listen to Drake's speech all the way through, it sounds as if Tim Curry had trouble sticking to either an American accent or a British accent.
Drake:
(American accent): "...there are only eight days left..."
(British accent): "... full moon mating ceremony..."
(American accent): "...and Marina still won't agree to be my mate..."
(British accent): "...Hubie is a leopard seal meal..."
I mean, how would you like it if Hush Puppy from Lamb Chop's Play Along kept switching from his Southern accent to an American accent?
Hush Puppy:

(Southern accent): "Yeah, but inside that big dawg would be hidin' a little puppy, eh?"
(American accent): "Charlie Horse, I just don't want to have to change my name..."
(Southern accent): "Yeah, I like my name. Hush Puppy. It's cute. Hush Big-Dawg..."
(American accent): "...that's not cute."
-And lastly, there's the big final push to make this villain seem scary- the friggin' candle on the cake... Drake saying the line at the end of the scene: "Marina is mine." 

This is where audiences either turn away in fear or keep looking because they froze with fear. I found it hard to look the first time I saw, because I was frozen with fear- screw Dr. Flurry's ingenious plan to literally freeze people in their fears

by displaying the fears

...and then freezing them into ice cubes...

...this scene with Drake should be one of the biggest pinnacles of fear put in a kids' movie!
And... look at the big smile that Drake gives at the end of the scene!! Doesn't that make you cringe?!

He just says that creepy line and then smiles into the camera, as if to say: "I'm gonna make this girl my bitch, and I'm okay with that." Yes, it was that big of a deal, after examining this scene a few more times. It's not rocket science.

Well, despite that scene being a little risky, I still stand by my consensus. It's not a bad movie, but I don't think it's perfect. I know it tried to be a kids' film, but try not to show this to younger kids.

Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
The Pebble and the Penguin
Madagascar 3
Beauty and the Beast
Veggietales
Super Mario 3D Land
Penguins of Madagascar Lamb Chop's Play Along

Courtesy: MGM Studios; DreamWorks Animation; Disney; Big Idea Entertainment; Nintendo; and Shari Lewis.